Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi. I have been in a long term relationship with my bf for over 5 years now, we have been through so much, and i have been there for him when his uncle passed away of cancer, when his grandmother got sick with Hepatitis C , when his other grandmother passed away and when his mother went through Breast Cancer(she is a survivor!). I thought everything was going great. He was acting strange the past couple of days, not wanting to talk to me, see me, kiss me or anything. Then lastnight he called me and started telling me that he wants to experience other things, maybe dating other girls, and he wants time to think about his feelings for me, he tells me he loves me and cares about me alot, he just wants to make sure that I am the one for him. He also mentioned that we have gotten into a routine (and I feel that it is my fault that we have gotten into a routine)I have tried to convince him to go out and do other things such as going downtown to a bar, go bowling or anything, but he is never in the mood!), doing the same thing every Friday or the odd Saturday that we see eachother(we only see eachother once or twice a week.) He says that he needs space, but I have given him and still give him all kinds of space, he hangs out with his friends when he wants to, I let him do anything he wants, which is why i am so confused as to why he needs space and time to think about his feelings for me... I met him when I was 17 and he was 18.., I am now 22 and he is 23, he says that we have known eachother for so long, that we only know eachother.. and not anyone or anything else?!?!?! I am so sorry I know this is long, but I don't really have anyone to talk to or seek advice. He also said that he still loves me, and that he doesnt wanna break up.. just a little break for a couple of days,which is fine with me, but still very upsetting to me. He says that i am still his girlfriend?!?! but wants a break to make sure that i am the one for him, he thinks that the next step in our relationship is Marriage..cause we have been together for so long... but the issue is, he still lives at home has a crappy job.. no money saved, so do i , but for good reasons(i am helping my mom raise my step-nephew and being her support for her screwed up relationship with my stepdad)... I wanna move out with him and marry him..but this takes time.. you know. to become financially stable, and for me to deal with my family issues before moving out and moving on with my future. I have explained all this to him, he understands.. but to me it seems like he wants to get everything started right away..He also mentioned that he would wanna be friends.. which I dont know if I should, it would be so hard to see him with someone else, or him talking about another girl.. well i have to stop now.. but there is so much more!! I wanna wait for him, even if it takes a couple days or months or years.. I love him so much and i can not see myself with anyone else, he is such an amazing guy and I really dont wanna lose him! I cant stop crying or thinking about him. should I keep my hopes up that he will wanna be with me forever?? Thank you :)
They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
He probably feels fenced in and wants to try some new grass. He has pretty much told you that. If you want to let him do that and wait for him, fine, but you run the risk of him running off with someone. If you don't let him do it, this will be a sore that festers if you get married and he might cheat on you or divorce you later. That sucks too.
Over all, my advice is to let him go for a while. He will probably come back dragging his tail behind him. However, for anything to work, you two need to do what you suggested... get on firm financial ground etc.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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