cheating and leaving my boyfriend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My question is similar to another question that has been posted on this site, but my situation is different. I am wondering if you can help.

I have been going out with my boyfriend for three and a half years, we live together and we have a two year old daughter.

I have cheated on my boyfriend twice. both times I didnít enter into a sexual relationship. The first time I cheated was a year ago, I felt very guilty about it after and vowed I would not do it again. And here I am again, one year later and I am doing it again. This time I have kissed a different guy from last time but it has happened a couple of times and we message each other during the week. I donít feel the same guilt that I did a year ago and it would seem the obvious thing to do would be to break it off with my boyfriend. Thing is I do still love my boyfriend, I love the way he is with our daughter, and he is my best friend.

We canít talk about stuff thatís going wrong in our relationship because he doesnít want to. I tried to get him to go to couples counselling with me but he refused. I know that when I have cheated I am looking for what I am missing from my relationship with my boyfriend. My boyfriend canít show emotionally or verbally that he loves me and I therefore I seek this attention elsewhere. I know that a lot of men have trouble with expressing their love, but I think that is something I need from a man.

I realise that a lot of what I am writing looks a lot like I am trying to justify leaving my boyfriend but I could really do with some advice.

Are my reasons for leaving my boyfriend selfish?

How can I justify hurting a man that is still love Advice
Approach him again on this subjecct but this time you have to put a hook into it.

Tell him you are going to counseling and if he refuses to go then it is likely that you will leave him. Tell him about your cheating and why. If he is interested in continuing your relationship and going to a counselor then you may have a chance. This forces his hand and although he will accuse you of things, he is where the problem lies.

Better to do this now than to let it drag on.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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