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Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Just a few months ago, I started my high school career meaning I am fourteen years old. In my journalism class, I met this upperclassman [junior] who could be described as quiet and shy but that changed once I began talking to him. It turns out that underneath all of this, he's a pretty great guy and has grown to be one of my best friends. Now I feel like I am growing rather attached to him and I really want to be able to try to have a relationship with him but immediately, I see the age difference. In January, he'll be seventeen and I'll be fourteen until April.
Although he is sixteen, he's never even kissed a girl or had a real girl friend and being in a similar situation, I don't think that an age difference would be a problem when it comes to us being together. We're both pretty new to this relationship thing.. but there are a few more issues:


there is the fact that he happens to be a different ethnicity than I. My parents know about this and they claim that they don't care that he happens not to be what they may want him to be but then they turn around and make racist comments about how I can't date "crackers" or "mexicans", although they know that I'm not going to settle for their expectations. My mom already knows and accepts the fact that I do not typically go for guys my own race, but it's my step dad that forms the problem. I want to know how can I prove/explain the fact that they can trust me if I were to go out with a boy that happens to be older than me... I mean, this isn't hormone driven, he's everything I've looked for and I'm not exactly eager to get into his pants. Seriously. &&I know I cannot change their minds on their views of interracial relationships but maybe I can be an example that race really doesn't matter if things work out.

and what if it turns out that they don't care and they let me do what I feel is right?
He'll be going to college soon after.

and lastly,
I haven't told him how I felt yet.
I mean, sure I flirt with him on a daily basis. I call him. We've hung out a few times, && I give him all the attention he wants and when I don't give him attention -- he demands it. I'm not interested in asking you all "if he likes me" because I'm not really all that interested in if he does or not. I just really want to know if I should tell him how I feel and if you all think that telling him would ruin our current friendship by the statement making him nervous considering that he was shy before we started talking.

I've had friends ask me if they wanted me to 'talk to him' for me. But I think I want to be the one to tell him, it seems more personal that way and I don't want to look more like a coward. But just curious, would this be a better method than getting a mutual friend to tell them? Or should I get that mutual friend to do it?

I'm really feeling that this is a lose-lose situation right now, but I just want to know if I should give this a try. I know I'm young and I may be making a mistake. But I'd learn something from it, right?

Thanks in advance for your help!
:]]




RomanceClass.com Advice
You write with the grace of someone who is well over 14 years old.

That makes a difference since it will take a real maturity (which you seem to have) to make all this work out.

You are right that it is better to talk to him personally rather than through a friend. Directly communicating, sharing feelings, and affection cannot be handled second hand.

My advice is to gently tell him that you are "developing feelings" for him amd see what he says. If he needs time let him know that it is ok and that you will ask him again soon. And, then do it! Ask him the next day since he will have thought of nothing else and should know the answer.

Your parents will support you in your choice despite some comments they may make.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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