Long Distance Cousin Love
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
okay, well in order for you to fully understand my problem, you need a bit of background to this story.. you see, after 13 years, me and my cousin finally met at our grandmothers funeral. i had heard about him many times, but never talked to saw him since we were both little kids.. well, we hung out for about a week and a half, and i was smittend with him, he was the sweetest, nicest, funniest, greatest person i had ever met, we just instantly clicked and became best friends. then, i had to leave and go home a few days after our grandmothers funeral. then, supprisingly he, my 2 aunts and one other cousin came down to visit me. it was a real suprise becuase my father doesnt usually like visitors. anyways, we again hung out all weekend and had the best time.. and i knew after that weekend i really liked him, he was everything i had ever wished for, and more.. words cant even begin to describe him, or the way i feel about him. well, after that weekend, i begged my father to let HIM stay with us for a while.. and after some convincing.. he agreed. for 2 weeks, me and him learned all about each other, and had the most fun either of us had had ever.. we just compleatly clicked, and you would only know what im talking about.. if you had ever realy fallen in love with someone.. it came time for him to leave and it was horrible.. i then realized that i LOVED him.. over the next few months we kept in touch over the phone and throught the internet.. [he lives one state up from me] then spring break, i got to see him, we drove to his house.. and me and him got to hnag out again for a week.. there was definetly something between him and i, but neither of us would admit it, or thought it was possible.. then, we were parted again.. finally, about 4 months ago, over summer break, me and him [allong with our 2 cousins who we were both visiting] got to see eachother day and night for a whole week, pretty much by ourselfs.. me and him were alone alot, but nothing romanticly ever happend between us.. after i had to leave.. for a week straight we would talk day and night [we had the same phone company so it was free :) ] then, after a carfully worded question asked by me, he admitted to wishing we were allowed to LIKE eachother.. we decided to risk it.. and started dating 2 days after that.. we both admitted to being in LOVE with the other and that we would go throught ne thing to end up together.. well, for the past 3 months, things have been as good as they could get [with having to hide our love from everyone and only being able to see eachother for short periods of time when i have school breaks.] however, this past 2 or 3 weeks have been really really painfully difficult.. he decied that we needed to go on a "break".. which really doesnt make sence to me, becuase we get to see each other in 30 days for a week.. ne ways, i dont know what to do.. i feel him drifting from me, even though he says hes not, i can feel it.. at 1st he said he wanted to go on a break becuase he didnt like how he always had to stress about being able to talk to me.. and he felt he had no life outside of the relationship.. then, he added, that he feels like he cant even talk to another girl without feeling bad or guilty, then, went on to explain that he likes flirting, that he wouldnt and hasnt ever done en thing bad [cheating wise] but that thats just who he is, and he wants to be able to do that too.. i recognized we were having problems.. and agreed to the break, then 2 days later.. i edited some video footage of me and him hanging out and sent it to him.. he teared up and said the break was a bad idea and was sorry and wanted to be with me.. so we got back together, then hours later.. he said that he thought we should go back to break status.. he said that latly things feel risky and he doesnt wanna be cought by ne one.. so after feeling like i had just been stabed, i said okay, in hopes that some space would help "us". but, about 2 weeks ago, he met this gurl hannah, who is his friend now.. he has more friends that hare gurls then guys, which is okay cuz i have more friends that are guys then gurls. me and him are pretty jealous people and we both know it.. so i confronted him about it when somethign didnt feel right between him and her.. and he said "im not going to lie to you babe, i DO like her, but i in no way want to date her or be involved with her" then after me asking more questions i found out that she likes him too, and wants to date him, and that her mom just needs to meet him and then shed be allowed to date him. well, next saterday, hes meeting her mom.. weve been saying i love you since before we were dating.. and for the past 2 days.. he hasnt said it unless i say it.. [which is odd cuz he usually said it on his own alot] we still talk every day, and i still call him and all that, but now when i call him, it feels like he doesnt love me ne more.. also, hes been kinda depressed latly, his home situation isnt that good.. he said that he just feels really overwelmed by everything [which was another reaosn he wanted to go on a "break"] i love him so much, and i dont wanna lose him.. i asked if he thought we should just break up.. and he quickly said "NO i dont wanna break up.. i love you and and wanna end up with you" we both know.. that as soon as we see eahcother again that well get back together and everything will be fine.. but should i stop calling as much?.. should i stop saying i love you?.. should i stop trying to get his attenchion?.. should i stop every once and a while trying to make him jealous? or should i just reasure him of my love?.. and reasure him that i will always be here.. and that i will wait for him?.. am i allowed to show im jealous when he talkes about other gurls that are his friends and when they hang out?.. how do i real him back in?.. i dont know what i would do if i lost him.. he is my world.. hes the glue that holds me together..[i wouldnt ever do ne thing stupid.. i just dont know how emotionaly broken i would be.. and for how long.. or if i could ever love again] but on the other hand.. should i just be strong and let him go?.. i dont know what to do.. im so lost..
You are confused and that's why you feel lost.
My advice is to let things flow along and see what happens. If he needs a break then give it to him but keep up your friendship. When you see him again, you will probably restart your relationship.
If this is meant to be, it will happen. Try to think very hard about your feelings and what is best for you and him. Remember that nothing is permanent until one of you gets married.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com