What's the matter with me?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Alright, so, I've used your site before and it helped me very much. However, I have another problem. I'm very confused. Let me start with a little background info. Last summer my two year relationship ended as I was about to start my freshmen year. Okay-yah..puppy love, looking back it's not as heartwrenching as it seemed. But you always know the difference between real love and just dating. This one had chemistry and I had my heart set on forever as many often do the first time they find it. Well-then...a month later my parents divorced. It's not like I thought they really were going to be together. They weren't like...SOUL MATES...they couldn't even be in the same room together, and then he had an affair. At the time-It thought there was no worries. That it didn't effect me, and it hasn't since. But I dated around looking for someone, anyone to give me that whole "first love" back. And my freshmen year at a new school, I met zac and I just wanted to be with him all the time soo bad. We had the same circle of friends and he turned me down but we just had a connection you know? He felt it too because we would fight when he dated other girls and I can't explain it-it was almost like the timing was just off and we couldn't be together.
For a long time I had no faith in love. Then my mom met her boyfriend and was happier than ever...and they-REALLY ARE SOUL MATES. And I love him and she loves him...but now they're having problems and Mom has always told me since the divorce that independance is key and for some reason she feels guilty and she loves him, but she always has one foot on the ground. He never does. He is completely wrapped up in it, it's not that she isn't it's just...she's grounded. I felt like I understood it...but I don't know...Now I'm getting to the question.A few weeks ago something happened. Zac just grabbed my hand and held it for a really long time. He started hugging me and we started staying up until 3 a.m. on the phone and I was foggy and rushed and running off of adrenaline and it was just as perfect as I knew it would be, better than my first love of two years in only a few days! I know now, that I just had to wait for it-but here is my question. question...last night we kissed for the first time. I got bubbly and giddy and on a high but soon, I got that-feeling. That...grounded feeling like my mom was talking about. Like-part of me is more mature than feeling giddy. And after awhile I wanted to stop kissing and just sit- and he didn't and that was okay. But then I felt bad because I felt like he was feeling more than me and I felt ashamed. And I ALWAYS over analyze things. It was just-is that normal? It's not that I don't feel a rush when we talk or kiss or are together-it's just that grounded feeling. Like...I can't really get close to him not like I want to. Is that because I really don't like him? I mean...I think about him all the time...is just my own demons from all the broken relationships around me, and can I get over it-because I REALLY want to be with him and let this work...
What's the matter with me?????!!!
What's troubling you is what you said... the broken relationships around you.
They make you afraid to commit and let yourself go free. That sounds like two differenet things, but they are part of being in love. You commit to someone and that enables you to be free. It isn't easy to do but well worth trying.
Just think how happy your mother would be if you found someone to love and who loved you back. Try talking with her and get her ideas. She will have some good advice for you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com