What to do
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Ok. Im not the kind of guy to generally do this. Especially something that has little to do with me. But a guy has to do what a guy has to do for a bud. Okay, a friend of mine is in a long distance relationship with a girl who is half way around the world. He met her on a vacation with a family. He bumped into her. She made it clear she liked him. This poor guy had struggled with relationships in highschool. He recently had gone from a breakup, to a worse one and now to this girl.
He says he wasnt to interested in a long distance one when he couldnt even get one to work close to home. But as time went on and they spend more time together on this trip she told him that she planned on moving to the city just next to his within a few months. So naturally that made him feel more secure and he decided to try it.
Its been over a year and i guess she still hasnt moved. From what im hearing in bits and pieces she isnt making any effort at all to save money to do so either. She has visited him twice over the holidays and theyve had fun. But not really a relationship kid of just partying it up so to speak. I dont think theyve actually done anything close to a real relationship.
She just comes on over, the party, he spends alot of money on her (which she doesnt have any problem taking) and then she goes away. Its almost like she is content to just have the perks without having to be there for him.
After she leaves he has money problems and has to work extra hours and get a loan from his parents for school and expenses. Even without this his parents notice what type of a relationship this is and how little effort there is from her. So now they are starting to distrust her. And he has to argue with them all the time to protect her name and work on them to get them to allow her to come over again. Now with little money and school just starting he is gonna go visit HER again and keep this whole thing going.
A few of my other friends have been talking and were a little worried. The thing that we all seem to agree on is that this isnt a real relationship. There is no hard work or reality to it. Even for a long distance one this one is far fetched.
One of us is gonna have to go and talk to him. Because we know that he is spending a lot of time seeking and getting the wrong things in a relationship and there are other people around for him that he is missing out on that he could be with and actually have a genuine relationship with.
Am i wrong about this? Should we not be worried? Didnt she LIE to him to get this thing started?
What should i tell this guy when i take him to a bar to have a heart to heart talk?
Why is he so desperate to keep this going?
RomanceClass.com Advice
Get him to answer some hard questions:
does he love her a lot or just a strong crush? How does she feel about him?
have they had physical relations? if not, why not?
is she going to move here? if so, when?
is he going to move there? if so, when?
How can they afford all this?
Get him to explain in his own words the answers to those questions so that he may see how important they are. If you can think of others, add them on.
Try not to tell him what to do... let him figure it out for himself by talking it out.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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