Saying I Love You

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years, and we have never said I LOVE YOU to each other. I do love him but i'm afraid to say it first because i'm afraid he won't say it back.
what should I do? Advice
I actually have pages of tips on saying 'I love you' for the first time -

but you are acting as if you're required to say them at the same time. Which is completely untrue! And if you feel that way, you're sort of warping what the words SHOULD mean.

Both of you obviously care for each other. And every single one of us has a VERY PERSONAL THRESHHOLD where saying those words are appropriate. For you it's OK for a guy that you're not living with. For some people, they will NEVER say those words until they are about to marry someone! So to expect two people to say them spontaneously at the same time is putting pressure on at least one of them. You should say those words because YOU feel it's time. He will say his words when HE feels it's time which might be months or years later. That doesn't mean that what he FEELS INSIDE is different than what he did before! You're happy right now with how he feels towards you. And you're happy with how you feel towards him. Those FEELINGS don't change just because you choose to speak words. Just as your choice to put a picture on your desk or in your wallet aren't things that *change* your feelings, they are just incidental little things that happen in a relationship as it progresses.

So stop obsessing about your saying the words meaning he must or must not say them. He will do what he will do in his own time and it doesn't change how he feels. You will do what you will do in YOUR own time and it doesn't change how you feel either.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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