I feel dead
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Ok, let's start with the facts. I am a man, and men, from an early age are taught to repress their emotions, you can see this when little boys are told not to cry.
Anyway, I am 16, and I am going out with a girl who is 17, for identity purposes let's call her Leanne.
We've been going out for nearly 7 months. Her previous boyfriend was 20, she cheated on him with a 23 year old. Leanne is really really horny, and when we first had sex, I didn't do a great job, because I had only had sex twice before. Things were going fine, until 1 day, I noticed old MSN conversations, without realising it, I opened one up. She had been having webcam sex with older guys on the internet, she had been talking to the guy she cheated on her ex with, and sending him pictures of herself doing depraved acts, and worst of all, she'd agreed to meet some guy and have sex with him in june of next year. She'd talked to her friend about it, saying I was "Just a nice guy she fucks". I don't mean to blow my own horn, but I am better looking than all of her previous boyfriends, and these guys on msn, and the guy she planned to meet. So, I decided it was time for a serious personality makeover. I got myself a job, I started to become more interesting, I applied myself more at school (I am told I am really smart, but I'm a bit of a rebel). I stopped texting her as much, and I stopped suffocting her (I used to go to her house almost every day, and phone her eveyr night, and text her all the time). I realised this made her appreciate me more, and when I turned down sex, this dorve her crazy. I think this has worked. I have also become more mature, and I do not talk about my violent past, or the fact that I am autophobic (as I know this scares her). She used to always say that she wa sjust using me for sex, shed say we wouldnt be going out in a year's time, etc. Now however, she talks to me about getting a flat together, she comes to my house all the time, she phones me almost every night and texts me all the time.
Now, the key thing is, I went on holiday shortly after I found out about those conversations. I was certain she would cheat on me whilst I was gone (I'm now sure she didn't). It made me incredibly depressed. I would get drunk every night, and end up beating the shit out of people in nightclubs. I felt suicidal.
Then I met a girl, her name (for identity purpses) was Ruth. I talked to Ruth, we had fun together, I really liked her and she became like a best friend to me, I could talk to her about anything. In my depression, we had sex 5 times. I think that if I'd never met her, I'd probably have ended up killing myself.
When I got back Leanne was all over me and said she missed me so so much. She told me she'd been crying when I texted her, drunk, on holiday saying "I know you don't love me".
I have never mentioned Ruth.
When I got the chance, I checked Leanne's conversations from when I was away. This time she had been refusing to have webcam sex, she had talked to her friends about how she really missed me, she did however, mention the guy she said she was going to go off with in June. It went a bit like this:
Leanne: I could never cheat, I felt too guilty last time and I really miss him
Friend: That's good cos he seems like a really nice guy
Leanne: I love him
Friend: Have you spoken to (June Guy) yet?
Leanne: Yeah his friend's died just a head's up
Ok, this confused me. Maybe she was going to talk to the June guy saying she didnt want to see him in June, maybe not. When she said "I felt too guilty last time" Does this mean she cheated on me? or does this mean she felt guilty about cheating on her ex boyfriend?.
Personally I doubt she cheated on me whilst I was away.
I would have never never cheated on Leanne if I didn't think she was going to cheat on me.
She does not know what I know, and I really love her soooo much. She may be a bitch, but I really do love her.
I just can't feel good until I'm sure she's not going to go off with this June guy. Should I confront her about it? Should I leave things as they are?
PLEASE HELP ME!!
It's a long, long time until June.
Lot's of things can happen in the meantime. So let it be for a while longer. If she continues to show signs of cheating next June then you can confront her.
However, if this is going to bother you a lot, you might as well get it over with now and ask her what's up.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com