Leaving a Date Message
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was wondering something, I have been telling a woman hi through a mutual friend and they always say the same thing back. More recently they had told the mutual friend that I should stop in and see her next time I was in the area. I stopped by last week in uniform while I was on duty (cause women love a guy in uniform) and the mutual friend took me up to see the interest in her office, when I walked in I got a huge smile and we talked for about 20 minutes and I thought it went real well.
I had the thought to ask the interest to dinner but did not becuase I was unsure of her current status and I did not want to bring it up at work. I did call the mutual friend and they advised me that she was indeed single and "why do you think you got the reaction you got". I am kinda dumb when it comes to this stuff.
The mutual friend gave me her work number and I called her later in the day ( I think after she had left) and left a message saying "Hi, I wanted to ask you something while I was talking to you earlier today but you seemed busy and I did not want to keep you from work, but I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out sometime and get some dinner, either way can you call me back and let me know".
I gave her my office and cell number, and I have not heard from her as of yet and it has been 4 days (a holiday weekend too). I was wondering if I approached this the right way and maybe get an idea of why she has not called or if maybe she is waiting, HELP!!
Well first, I don't think you were wrong in not launching into a date request on your office meeting. You are QUITE right, she could easily have been married or seeing someone else and just liked you as a friend. If you guys have only been "talking to" each other through third persons, the next step would be to start talking TO each other directly before you ask someone out.
But since you lept into asking her out, I wouldn't have done it by leaving a message!! That's a bit cold and impersonal. Why not just leave a message saying "Sorry I missed you, give me a call sometime"? It can be very strange to get your very first invitation out by an answering machine. That's not exactly how I would want to be invited out.
In any case, holiday weekends are also very busy times and not the time to expect any sort of response. I would wait until the start of a new week, and I would call her up. Don't leave more messages :) Get her real life person on the phone and instead of just saying "go to dinner with me!" come up with a fun movie you'd like to see. Tell her that you've been wanting to see it, and would she go along with you? That way instead of a vague "spend 4 hours with someone you barely know" it is a "I think we'll have fun seeing this movie and we can grab a bite to eat afterwards".
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com