Torn on how to Handle this
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Over a year ago I met a guy while on a business trip.To fill you in breifly, I am in an unhappy marriage that is emotionaly abusive but I stay for the sake of my children.This man and I clicked.He although was also in a long term long-distance relationship.We spent thre days together getting to know each other.When I left we kept in contact via phone and email.This continued and we would meet in his town about once or twice a month.He told me that he never meant to but he could admit that he fell in love with me and it scared him because he couold always separte feelings before. He introduced me to friends and we talked about how the chemisstry we had was so strong.We would continuously talk about how intense our realtionship was.It was like our own world and nothing else existed.He would tell people that no matter what was going on with the both of us we were always eachothers person to come back to. We met in June and then in November he told me he could no longer continue this and felt quilty because of his girlfriend.He said he didn't know about the future but this is how he felt now.I cried and was devastated but dealt with it but kept thinking of him and what we had.In the middle of December he texted me asking me if I was in town.I replied no and asked why, and he said becuase i needed to see you.I told him I would be there for business in the end of january. He said we may meet up.January came and he was at the hotel waiting when I got there.We spent the day together and the night.Next day he took me to dinner and told me how much he missed me and as hard as he tried he could not stop thinking about me.When we got back to the hotel although he freaked out all of a sudden and said he couldn't do this anymore again, that he could not hurt her nor keep me on this roller coaster, so he ended it again.He asked me to go into the hotel first so he would not be walking away from him.I sais that was it and tried to move on,contacting him by email once telling him I missed hi. Then on Valentimes day he calls me at work and apoligizes for freaking out again. He said he had cheated on her befroe but it was othing more than sex and that he and I turned into something so much more it scared him.We made plans to see eachother again in APril.I went to visit him with a friend of mine.He met us and we all went to dinner and spent the day together.He lives in a big city so after we checked into the hotel we all took a cab to a bar.He told my friend how sorry he was for hurting me again but he loves me and her and feels conflicted at times, but it is nice to have 2 such wonderful people in his life to care about and then he and I ended up being something a lot more than he intended. That he couldn't begin to describe how much he has fallen in love with me and can't really ever give me up.We drank for awhile and then he went outside to take a call..and never came back.We aited for 2 hours and then had to take a cab back to the hotel.He sent me a text message 3 hours later saying that he was sorry, but he couldn't see me anymore and it was over.I creid and cried, my girlfriend pciked up the pieces and we headed home the next morning.I knew he was serious this time because walking away and leaving me there was the ultimate ending.That was April.Last week my friend and I had plans to go to a festival,which he always attended with his friends evry year,.We wondered if we would see hi there but there are 250,000 people that go so chances we unlikely.We fgot there Friday and unpacked.My cell rang around supper and it was him.5 months afetr he left me in his town. He said he knew I was maybe going and wondered if I still was, I said I was already there and to come anyway, I didn't want me to stop him.He said no, it wouldn't that he would like to see me and he would call when he gets there.Saturday I spoke with him and he said he was on his way. Come Saturday night, no call. I called him and he told me where he was and to come have a drink.The same girlfriend I had with me before came with me and we went to where he was. When we got there he was over ina corner dancing with some girl.I went into shell schock. He eventually say us and came over.I couldn't lok at him.He hugs me like the past 5 months of not talking ever happened, and tells me he is going introduce me to some people, which is this girl. As we are walking over there he tells me know behave, don't freak out.I was in such shock I said nothing.He kept saying to my friend I am in so much trouble huh.Then he picks up 5 minutes later and leaves yet again us staniding there with no explanation and never comes back.My girlfrend was so angry and we left and went back to the hotel.Later I get another message saying he was sorry,but he was on his way out when we got there.I replied asking him if he hated me or what, Why this keeps happening.He reponds no I don't.We are ok, just no emails and I will call you on Tuesday.What is going on with him? And what does this mean? We are ok, like we are back to where we were and it is ok to be on again or we are ok, lets let things go.? He never will just say,Yes, this is totally done and shut the door, When I respected him and that it is over and don't call him, he calls me. I know that at some point there was something so real and intense.I tried to let go by not contacting him so then he contacts me when I stoop for a few months.How should I approach all this if he does call, and what does he want from me in all of this? Please help as I have exhausted all my ideas n why this keeps happening.
I feel like I will never get him out of my system and most of the time I don't want to, I think about him everyday
My answer to your question is very graphic and will be stored in a separate part of romanceclass.com called flirtingclass.com
The reason it is so graphic is that my advice is to tell him:
FYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK YOU !!!!!!
No matter how much you care for him you have to recognize that he is treating you like double dirt. He may be a nice guy but he is screwing you over... and more than once.
Whenever you think of him say to yourself what I said above. Keep doing it and eventually he will stop entering you mind. It takes an effort on your part, but it will pay off in the end.
The guy is terrible... keep that in mind. You don't enjoy being abused so end it with him!!
Seek professional counseling to improve things with your husband. Or if you have to have an affair, find a more decent man.
Good luck. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com