Dealing with Pressure

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hi, i've been getting a whole lot of preasure from my dad all year, and i've been putting it all down on my boyfriend. Now my attituda is kinda bad...can u give me some advice? Advice
Believe me, pressure does NOT ease up just because you get things resolved with your dad! There is ALWAYS pressure in life - from your parents, from your teachers, from your boss, from your friends, from your partner, and from yourself. One of the MOST important things you can possibly do for yourself as a human being is learn to deal well with pressure.

You most definitely can't just pass it along to another person. Not only does that weaken you - because you can't deal with it on your own - but it destroys your relationship with the other person. And damages their life as well. Which is not fair at all.

So first off, admit to yourself that yes, you have this pressure, and that YOU have to deal with it. You can't go expecting others to, and you can't damage yourself in the process either. There are probably other adults around that you can talk to about this. They probably can't change your father. But again, rarely can you change how pressure is *created* in your life so that is *normal*. However, you can change how you REACT TO and DEAL with pressure. You may think it is all your father's fault for putting you in that situation. But it is equally your own responsibility to HANDLE that pressure in a reasonable way.

So sit down with an adult, or your boyfriend, or just yourself, and think about your options. You can bottle it up! Bad idea. You can yell and scream! Equally bad. Or you can just accept that he is that way, and that he probably won't change. But that you must always do what is best for you. Yes, that means listening to him at times and doing things by his rules while you live in his house. But it doesn't mean necessarily ACCEPTING his points of view as the one and only rule, if for example he is picking on your or putting you down. What he says is his opinion, and you must maintain your own opinion of your health and well being.

Soon enough, you will be on your own and have an entirely new set of pressures to deal with. You might even look back and think of your father as a minor stress compared to what real life has to offer. So appreciate that he loves you, take up meditation or long morning walks, and find ways to handle the stress that makes you even stronger. That's the solution that will help you last a lifetime.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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