scared of loosing her, feel rejected, how to get past this..
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
firstly thank you for taking the time to help me with my problem. i have been with my gf for 1.5 yrs. she is 19 and i am 22. we got into a relationship just hanging out and then we decided to start dating and we hit it off ever since. we have a very serious relationship and are very loving and affectionate with each other. i was her first in every sense, first bf, first everything.
so the problem came when she moved into the university dorms as a hall monitor ( a job that gives her free housing and food to take responsibilities in the housing area) well she was always available to me untill she moved into the dorms, and i became a little jealous of this. so we began fighting.. while we were fighting she started hanging out with another guy and becuase she is so innocent and new she thought she was being unfaithful to me when she realized how much fun she was having with this guy and liked him. we discussed it and she was confused on wether she wanted to be with me or not. finaly she said she just wanted to feel what she always felt for me and she loved me and we should work on it. so she stoped hanging out with him and we kinda settled back into being good again. she thinks we are okay again, like before, but i feel weird. i was very scared of loosing her and now i cant seem to shake this feeling that i will loose her. i was totally and completely happy with her. i feel totally rejected and broken hearted about what happened. i dont know why i even feel that way anymore because nothing happened at all between her and the other guy and she has been very sweet and super supportive of me and my feelings. she tells me she loves me and shows me in every way possible. she tells me she cant see herself without me and it was just a little confusion in her life and she glad she figured it out becuase she would hate to every loose me.
shes telling me all the right things so why cant i just shake this weird feeling i have? i feel like i have anxiety, a weird knot in my chest. i get nervous and want to talk to her constantly. i bathe in any little amount of affection she gives me but am hurt when she doesnt attend my every need. how do i get past these feelings so that we can continue being together happily? everyone says time.. but all i do is spend my time thinking about her.. i need to find out how to get past this.. thank you for your help.
You may be subconsciously taking advantage of her small mistake to gather a lot of guilty points from her.
As you said, it was minor and it's over and she is very good to you now.
One way to deal with anxiety is to attack it like an enemy. Tell it to go away because you know she loves you and you are happy. Or just hum a phrase that is good feeling like "I feel good" "Be happy" "Everything is Beautiful" "Oh Happy Day" or any other calming phrase from a song you might like. This approach usually works to calm tender feelings.
Good luck and Be Happy! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com