Im a Jealous Boyfriend and Im running out of time.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am 21 years old and I have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years. We have been having problems from the very beginning, and quite frankly, i am surprised we have lasted this long. When my g/f and I fist got together, she was going through her curiosity stage and often lied to me about where she was going and who she was going with. She later decided to admit to her mistakes and told me that she had cheated on me several times. I forgave her and took it at first, but than I began to build up resentment towards her and began to question her feelings towards me. I grew tired and told myself, "enough is enough", I broke up with her. About 6 months later, I see her at the mall, we begin to talk and after several "dates" we decided to get back together. She promised the world to me, and I was convinced that she had changed. I did see changes in her, but i questioned her for everything. She is a very outgoing girl, and her friendliness is easily misinterpreted for flirtiness. I have asked several people about her personality and about 99% of the people i have spoken to have told me she is a flirtatious girl. I approached her about it but she denies being flirtatious and says she loves me with all of her heart. She tells me that she isn't flirty, but that she's just being friendly. To give her the benifit of the doubt, she does seem to love me. She treats me good, she shows me love, and she is very careful about what she does and who talks to. Unfortunately, I have retained so much anger and resentment within myself for what she had done in the past, and so I have become extremely jealous. I wont let her talk to any of her old friends, i dont let her go out, i question and accuse her when she is at work, I get upset for the smallest things. If she so much as looks in a direction of another guy, i accuse her and threaten to break up with her. I know im wrong, i know i need help, and I was hoping you guys could give me advise. I love this girl with all of my heart and she is the only one for me. I dont want my g/f to get fed up and leave me. Please help. Advice
You are dealing with one of the worst human emotions... jealousy.

While you once had a good excuse to be jealous, that has long, long past. You should be beyond that now.

My guess is that you are enjoying the "controlling" part of jealousy. You tell her what to do and with whom and complain about her flirtaceousness.

Guess what! You probably wouldn't even like her if she were different. You are drawn to her, after all, and her personality is one big reason. So if you got your way, surprise!, you probably would not like her.

Be happy with what you have and put those jealous feelings aside. Tell those feelings to get lost because you know she loves you and wouldn't hurt you. Say that a hundred times and the feelings will probably go away.

I hope so.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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