Getting the Love Back

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My husband told me he is not sure he is still in love with me. When we first got married I betrayed him. He had forgiven me but now after almost 10 years of marriage he is not sure if he still loves me. How can we get back the love? Advice
It's very, very common for all marriages to go through various stages. That "7 Year Itch" isn't just a phrase, it's a real thing. Couples get too settled with each other, stop paying attention to each other as "that guy I love" or "that girl I like" and start treating each other just like housemates. On one hand, that's a great and natural thing - that you guys are best friends who are incredibly comfortable together, who cal talk about anything and who rely on each other. But on the other hand, you have to always actively WORK on your relationship, that you share your worlds, that you share your fun hobbies, that you grow TOGETHER and not apart.

It could be that he sees you as his 'best friend' and thinks that's bad when really that's very, very good. Sure, a lot of the new-love spark may have faded, but it should fade into a warm ember that always glows.

On the other hand, it could be that where he used to enjoy doing things with you, he doesn't because you aren't interested in doing things he wants to or visa versa. That you guys haven't kept up hobbies that you both enjoy. That you no longer are "playmates" in addition to best friends. And if that happened, you can most definitely work on that!

So sit down with him after a good, filling meal when you both are relaxed, and just brainstorm about fun things you'd like to do. Think of all extremes, from short 1 hour local things to long trips you'd have to plan for a year or two. And START DOING THEM. Don't put them off until much later. You need to actively, continuously, deliberately do things together you both enjoy. You need to rebuild that sense that being with each other is a fun, enjoyable thing.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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