I don't know what to make of him!
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I will have been together for a year next month. Lately, he's been rather distant - meaning, he doesn't smile at me as much anymore, he never seems excited to see me when he comes over or when I call him to make plans. He's not really romantic much anymore - we used to cuddle a lot and talk about being together for a long time and what we'd be doing in the future. We went to this festival a few weeks ago, and I took his hand and he kind of groaned and asked if "we had to do that." He said there were too many people and it was too hot to hold hands. I know it's not practical to be joined at the hand constantly, but that kinda hurt my feelings. This behavior is on and off - like he'll be glum-drum when we go to bed, but in the morning, he'll cuddle with me.
I've asked him on several occasions if everything was ok...he'd ask why and I'd say, "You seem distant." We had a big fight about it 2 weeks ago - he doesn't think he's acting any different and he can't understand why I would feel like he doesn't care when he stays with me every night, and tells me he loves me. We nearly broke up - he said he was tired of answering the same question over and over. He said it was insulting that I don't see what he does for me. But aside from staying together every night and telling me, "I love you" and having a healthy intimate life, that's it. It's like if someone buys you dinner or takes you out on the town, yet they're acting grumpy the whole entire time, you'd still get a bad feeling about it.
I just feel like he's not making any effort to "upkeep" our relationship - I'd just like some reassurance that he's still as crazy about me as I am about him. I don't even think I would feel insecure about it if he was showing a little more affection. I don't need attention 24/7 - just little ways to show he thinks about me. But, I'm afraid to bring all this up again because I think he'll just flip out and I'm going to feel like I'm asking too much and nit picking.
You shouldn't be afraid to act on this.
If discussing it breaks you up then the relationship wasn't very good.
You are suffering from the lack of affection. This is one of the three most important aspects of a good relationship, the other two being communication and trust.
Maybe you should just tell him to his face that you need at least two "strokes" of affection a day to keep you from developing a hunger for them.
If he does give you affection, don't over-react but subtlely show him that you appreciated it.
If he understands the problem he can fix it if he wants to.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com