I'm Nervous when I'm Flirting
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I really like this girl. She is, of course, the best thing in my life. She makes me happy and I LOVE her to pieces. Well....you wouldn't know it if you were around me. The problem is that I get VERY nervous around her. Extremely nervous...like severe anxiety kind of nervous. I dont know what to say, my hands get clammy and I start to sweat, and I can't even look her in the eye! And I might even start to tremble! Not good...oh no it is not good at all. And I *KNOW* this cannot be good for any possible relationship.
So what do I do? I am lost as to what I CAN do. I really need some advice here.
It's very common to be nervous about something important, because you don't want to screw it up. So you're nervous about talking to her, because you don't want to give the wrong impression. However, THE most important thing in any relationship is full honesty, full trust, the ability to talk about anything at all. So your whole concern about keeping up a certain image, about worrying how she will react to you and so on is about the opposite of what you need to do.
You need to work to be best friends with her. That you can talk to her, share with her, not hold ANYTHING back. You don't want her to be on a pedestal! And you don't want to be on one either. You want to be YOURSELF and be a real person, and have her be a real person.
Practice a lot on other girls, so you have the general "talking to girls" issue down. And then, every morning, remind yourself that your 'target girl' is a regular girl and a friend, and that you will talk to her as you do any other friend. Repeat it to yourself often. It might seem silly, but really, the more that you tell yourself something, the more you start to really believe it.
The key is to be FRIENDS with this girl. Not to impress her with anything, not to worry about what you say or how you say it. Just be her FRIEND.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com