He Won't Let Me Hug Family

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I love my boyfriend to death. The only thing I hate about him is his jealousy. He told me if I keep on hugging my cousins to say hi or bye (which I have done all my life) he won't take it, he'll break up with me.

I try to understand him because I think he's insecure, but I'm scared my family won't understand why I stop showing affection by hugging them. I already tried talking to my bf but he already made his point.

Should I have a talk with my cousins? What do I do? Breaking up is not a choice! I'm 20 yrs old.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Woah, take a BIG step back here. Not only is your boyfriend telling you to not hug other GUYS but he is telling you not to hug FAMILY MEMBERS. This goes WAY beyond the realm of jealousy and directly into the realm of almost abusive control. There is NO way he should ever, ever try to keep you apart from family members because he feels he is JEALOUS of them. You are not his possession! You are a thinking, smart, caring, lovely woman who is LUCKY enough to have family that is fond of you. This is something to treasure and respect.

Your boyfriend does not care for you deeply if he is actively trying to drive a wedge between you and your family. He cares for himself - he doesn't want to lose any tiny bit of your affection to someone else. That kind of selfish behavior is exactly what leads to abuse in other ways.

I'm very serious about this. Tell him that if he wants to place such restrictions and orders about how you relate to your own family, that you would like to sit down for a few weeks of therapy first so that you can discuss this with a therapist. This is NOT NORMAL and NOT HEALTHY. The fact that he can threaten to leave you if you don't obey his orders just proves even more that he is using threats to get his own way, instead of having any concern about you, your happiness and your family.

If he's not willing to talk to a therapist even 2 or 3 times about this demand of his, I would tell him you need a few weeks to think about this. And then take the few weeks to think about just what it is you feel you are getting out of your relationship with him. Because, believe me, whatever good feelings you get from being with him, the harm caused by this behavior of his will probably soon overshadow everything else. He's not just going to stop with his demand that you not touch family. That kind of attitude is going to take over your entire life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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