Moving Along a Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
ive been dating my friend, i took your advice and we are in a great relationship. but when the conversation comes up about being "offical" its like and lose lose situation. what i mean is, we cant go back and just be buddies....we are in, well you know we are in love and that would hurt too bad and we think bout trying the relationship out and we'll its like im saying we have to go slow and he is like he dont even want to go cause of the possible out come of breaking up. so he wants to stay like this but move on in feelings and to me thats not right, how we going to act the part if we're not going to be the part.

so now im all frustrated and he gets to crying and it scares me...i mean i know he cares and loves me, he cries..IN MY FACE he is so scared and i dont know am i crazy for not being as worried as he is, and how do i help him trust in "us."

he asked me to help him with loving himself...i thought that was a great start...he thinks ill leave him, or someone else will come along better, that im too good for him and that i will leave him cause of our rocky past...
help me out into figuring out whats going on and what to havent failed me yet...thanx guys... Advice
Wait, why are you afraid because he cries? Because he's a BOY??? Boys cry just as much as girls cry! You need to accept how he feels and be there for him. If anything you should have been scared when he would NOT show you his feelings. The fact that he is sharing his feelings with you is key.

Yes, you guys could break up. But you could break up now! Planning your life around "well this might fail" is a pretty meaningless exercise. Everything can fail. You guys could be hit by a bus tomorrow and die! But it doesn't mean you ASSUME or even EXPECT this to happen. You plan your life based on success. That's how you succeed in life. If you just assumed everything would fail, you would never get out of bed.

So just keep telling him, "We will succeed", and help him believe it. And be PROUD of what you have and proud of telling people about it.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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