Am I reading too much into things.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I met this girl at college about a year ago. We dated for a month where we had a great relationship. We had no problems during the relationship as everything was great. She told me on several occassions that I treated her great and she compared me to a guy-friend she has that is practically her soul-mate... saying I had a lot of similarities to him. We slept in the same bed nearly every night that we were together, had sex very often and again everything was great.

Then during Thanksgiving she asked me to visit her and her family in Maryland... so I flew up there to spend 3 or 4 days up there with her. Again things were fine. When we got back we spent the night in bed together and then two days later she suddenly pulled away from me and wanted to break up... which we did.

Now I know she was under a lot of stress and mainly because she was recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and because her room-mate at the time basically backstabbed her right before Thanksgiving vacation. She also had this ex-boyfriend whom she did admitted that she still loved him, but the guy is a complete asshole to her. They do not trust each other and she is always complaining about him because they are not happy, and she admits it all of the time. Ever since we broke up we've had numerous fights mainly because she keeps changing her mind.

When she broke up with me, she was soon back together with her ex-boyfriend. She would come to me occassionally with her issues and would open up pretty in-depth in her life, and then suddenly close up. I would get used to her talking with me and opening up to me, and then for her to suddenly close up again would make things very difficult and would often lead into fights.

On two different occassions she opened up to me and told me that she found me attractive, that she was sexually attracted to me, and that she found me to be an amazing person whom she had a blast with all of the time. She told me that she wanted to be with me once she was able to get away from her ex-boyfriend. The first time she expressed her feelings to me after we broke up, was after a series of flirty events that she did, and a night of making out.

We recently started renting out a house, us and two other ladies. She asked me to move in with her, even knowing that if I agreed to move in, her and her ex-boyfriend would not be able to stay together. Now that summer has ended, I learned that when she arrived (she got back the house several weeks before I did) she had slept in my bed for atleast 3-4 nights. Now she is one of her moods where she doesn't want to talk with me, which does happen often... but again it wasn't too long ago where she was sleeping in my bed and calling me and everything.

Now I don't know what the deal is. Becuase I have asked her if she likes me and wanted to be with me and she has denied it, but for her to sleep in my bed without me there, for her to tell me about her feelings on several ocassions... I am under the impression that she likes me but she is afraid. She finds it hard to trust people because she has been mistreated by a lot of people, and I believe because of that she is afraid of committment, afraid of being hurt again. Because of that, she continues to go back with her ex-boyfriend because she knows that nothing major will come of it. I think the reason she broke up with me in the first place was simply because it was getting serious and again it just scared her.Am I reading too much into this whole thing? Again her sleeping in my bed, her opening up, the casual flirting here and there, her asking me to move in with her for the next two years? I love her, I really do... and I honestly beleive that she loves me back so what should I do and am I reading into things too much? Please let me know... thank you! -BJ- Advice
What puzzles me most is her back and forth behavior with you.

This is not a foundation for a lasting love. It would be too painful for the both of you if you went in the direction of going together.

You need to have a close, honest talk about why she goes back and forth and exactly how does she feel about you. You deserve honest answers which will help direct your planning.

If her mental health problem is the core of the behavior, you should think long and hard about having a long term relationship with her. If she is on medication perhaps she should talk with her doctor about changing meds or dosage.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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