I want my ex back
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have dated this girl for 2 years and we were sooo happy the whole time, we often got in little fights about little things but never anything big. Then I guess I was getting bored with our relationship and I talked to her about it. We finally decided to break up (which was the worst decision I have ever made). We decided we were going to be best friends.
But now I have realized I still love her to death, my heart is even telling me that she is the one for me, the one I should spend the rest of my life with. But the problem is she is starting to really like this guy. I told her that I still love her and how I feel about her but she says she has moved on. She tells me that she just wants to be my best friend instead of going out.
Oh yea there is one other problem...the guy she is soon to be going out with is one of my good friends, and i talked to him about it, too. I know I love her and she tells me she still has feelings for me but she isnt doing anything about it. I have been feeling very down especially when she talks about him. I talk to her quite a bit so communication isnt a problem.
What can I do to help how I feel? But more importantly, what can I do to get her back? I need her back.
It is very, very common for one of the people after a breakup to realize that they don't like being alone, and to start idealizing everything that was in the relationship they had before and wanting it back again. But you need to take a very serious, realistic look at this situation.
You were with this girl for 2 years, and while you say you were incredibly happy, obviously you weren't. You were fighting sometimes, and you got bored. People don't just up and leave relationships that are great. And while you may say NOW that you were "wrong to be bored", to ignore how you felt then is a huge mistake. You can't just dismiss it completely and say "Oh but I was wrong". You felt about this strongly enough back then to break up with her. This boredom didn't spontaneously happen. It must have been there for a while. And even though you'd been together for 2 years, the only solution you BOTH found was to break up. So it wasn't just a casual, tiny thing. People don't break up just because something tiny is wrong. They break up because something is REALLY wrong.
And sure, it may be hard to remember that feeling now. But the vast, vast majority of people who try to get back with their exs break right up again - because obviously they are both the same people! So the exact same things that made you unhappy before will make you unhappy again. You guys can be GREAT as friends and just not well matched as partners. And that seems to be the way she feels.
Make sure you get out and let yourself get through the rebound stage. The rebound can really play havoc with your emotions and make you feel very strongly about things that normally you might not feel. Get out meeting other people, doing things you enjoy. And then see how you feel, and what your world is like. It could be you've now found someone you are FAR better matched with, and while you still care for your ex girlfriend, you realize that she was and is perfect AS a best friend - but not as a partner in life.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com