Jealousy is destroying us, sorry it's long
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
i've always been a slightly jealous person because of past events and trusted people hurting me, and a previous relationship ended because of it, then i started dating one of my friends ex gf's (they split up about 2 years ago not for long) and she cheated on him so i warned her i'm a slightly jealous person and we talked it through and she said if i was feeling jealous to just ask her about it and we would talk it through and make me relise i was overreacting and we always did, and we got really close it felt so perfect but then the day after she promised me not to cheat on me one day she did with a guy she used to like but we talked it through and we sorted it out and stayed together it neevr made me trust her any less, and then when i trusted her fully again it happened again, this was 2 months ago (we have been together almost 6), but we talked it through and it hasn't happened since.
Then latly i was diagnosed with obessive compulsive disorder and one of the symptoms is constant doubt and questioning everything i'm told, and never being able to get thoughts away and mostly these thoughts have been about her cheating again, after it happened and she cheated i trusted her again and fully and we carried on to talk about it when i felt jealous and it always sorted it out, but since being diagnosed with OCD i have been thinking that it will happen like it did last time with her telling me it's not happening then next day it will. and because of this i ahve become incrediably jealous, i seem to get mad if she speacks to a guy and always accuse of her cheating, I try to make her stop talking to other guys completly delete all teh number's from her phone and even stop going to the local shop because the guy she cheated with works there and it happened when she went there, I feel so jealous when she leaves the house or talks to the another guy and if a guy calls her and she asnwers i get jealous even tho she had no idea who it was calling her, alot of guys like her and all think mine and her relationship as a joke relationship so always talk about how sexy she is and saying how they like them when they call. she was ok with me doing this at first but now in the past few days it's been ripping us apart arguing constantly because she feels so controlled and i say i'll stop but always go back to how i was in a few days, it's destroying us and we've gone from a perfect couple to almost ending because of it,
She has done exactly the same to me everything i get jealous about she gets jealous about with me and more , i ahve never cheated on her, but i can deal with it and know i we can work on it slowly and always helped her and never gotten mad at her for it but now is she with getting mad at me because i was not jealous and forgave her for cheating for 3 months but then started to get jealous for apperntly no reason and it's really hurting her, i really do love her so much and care about her and don't want this to ruin us.
is there any advice u can give?
Also i ahev recently applied for councilling to help but it is taking a long time to sort out and fear it will be ruined befor it get's sorted out
RomanceClass.com Advice
I hope you get good counselling because you two really need it.
She has cheated on you a number of times and you have forgiven her. Now she is jealous of you for no reason.
If she stops cheating there is some hope for your relationship, but if she doesn't then I don't have much hope for you.
Check out this website for advice on trust:
http://www.coping.org/growth/trust.htm
Good luck! George -- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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