Choosing Between Two Men

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
How can I choose between two men? I have a child from one and the other has no kids at all. I can't have anymore kids. I do care for the other man that has no kids at all. He is so special to me even though we have not met in person only been conversating on the internet but he is coming to see me at the end of July. He has help me out with a little money he sent and usually most men want to get in bed with you before spending money on you or giving.

I need a suggestion please email me on this and thank you very much. Advice
Well first, most guys aren't just after sex, so it sounds like you might be hanging around with a raw crowd. All human beings LIKE sex but most men AND women want someone that they enjoy being with. I guess I never thought of men as being people to "spend money on women" - men and women should do things together and help each other out, whoever needs help at the moment. So I really don't think you should look at guys as creatures that you trade money for sex with. That'll cause you all sorts of pain and heartache, to treat them that way.

I also have to warn you that net relationships usually SEEM great, especially in the beginning. They are easy to maintain, low stress, you get tons of support with very little actual 'downside'. You don't have to do chores with them, don't have to listen to them snore, don't have to pick up after them. You just get lots of love and attention whenever you need it, and can go out and do other things when you want to. So to try to judge this net guy against another real life guy is nearly impossible. The only way to judge them fairly is to have BOTH of them in real life and see what they are both like for months at a time. What a person is like on "vacation time" - for a weekend or week or two - is vastly different than what they are like for the real life relationship.

If you have a kid, your most important task is to find stability for you and your child, to build your happiness. Sure, you can have a guy come and share that with you. But to try to be happy BECAUSE of a guy is a really bad idea. You and your child deserve far better than that. Find a way to be self sufficient, to have friends around you, to join local groups that give you support. And then see if the child's father OR this other guy fit into your life. That is the path that will give you the most long term satisfaction and give your child the best chance at a happy life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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