Flirting with a Recently Broken Up Girl

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have met this girl a couple of months ago at some credit card promotional road show and instantly she caught my eyes, attention, whatever. Needless to say, I became one of the victims and signed up for the application, although my interest of the product being promoted was next to nil. Well, things were normal at first. I went back to my everyday life; work; get off work; the same old routine cycle. That was until I met her at some fast food joint to pass over some documents. I had a pretty wicked thought, thinking if I could get her more ‘customers’, perhaps I could get to go out more with her. So unofficially I started my ‘second-job’ as a co-promoter. Payless that is.

Back to the story; my thoughts started to evolve and the attraction to her started to plunge deeper and I couldn’t stop thinking of her. Her friendliness and gorgeous smile made me feel even better. But to my horror, she has got a boyfriend. Needless to say I was pretty crushed but still never thought of giving up. Chasing pipe dreams perhaps but I just thought there would no harm waiting. Days passed and one of the meetings with her had me hit straight in the head that woke me up with her saying that she has broken up with her boy friend of many years. I was stunned but nonetheless getting smacked at the back of my head by my imaginary friend saying this is the time to act up. You could say I was full of hope, although the break up never indicated that I have got a chance. But I just gave myself hope.

But hope and wishes were never realized when one ‘fine’ day she suddenly messaged me saying that she would never accept my love even though I have not expressed whatever feelings. Dumb founded and badly crushed again, I searched for the reasons and answers to her sudden strike of death. I was told she wasn’t ready for another relationship and to make it worse, she said she wasn’t ready for someone like me. Why? I wasn’t so bad looking. We've got quite some things in common. But all questions were never answered and I kept in all my pains and stuffs and continue to be the wacky and humorous person I am although deep down inside I was so hoping that one day she could see the better side of me.

You could say I’m pretty gifted with art and I started drawing one of her photos she ‘lent’ to me and gave it to her. Came out pretty good but not the best piece of work I did but nevertheless the piece of work I really poured out my sweat and concentration and time at. But nothing was enough to stop her from somehow avoiding me, giving excuses for not being able to go out and stuffs. Any three year old might buy what she said but not me. The root to her statements (I bet): ’please leave me alone; we will never work out, etc.’. But no matter how hurt and disappointed, I am still never willing to let go.

What should I do? I really like her a lot. I don’t mind waiting and be just a friend for now but at the same time I am really hoping to be in a relationship with her. We have quite some interests in common and communication wise I don’t see any barriers. Please advice… Thanks a million. Advice
It seems like you've really looked at this wisely and are willing to wait and be here friend and be there for her. She is definitely acting very strangely - she tells you she's broken up, then she preemtively says "I can't love you" and holds you off. What you have to realize through all of this is that breakups are REALLY rough on people and she is fully in the rebound stage right now. A lot of what she is doing is proving to herself she can make it on her own, that she won't go leaping to a guy just to keep from being lonely, etc.

For her to spontaneously text you about not being able to love you even though you didn't bring it up, and not talking to you about it directly, really indicates that she IS thinking about you in that way and is really confused and doesn't want to face it. So don't press her right now on it. Give her time to heal, to get on her feet, and be there for her as a friend.

One of the MOST important things a couple can ever be is best friends. And sometimes this is something people have to realize on their own - they have all sorts of bizarre ideas about their ideal partner being "blonde" or "rich" or whatever when none of that matters in the long run. So show her you can be a great friend, that you can have fun together with no pressure. In a few weeks or even months when she gets through the rebound, there you will be, and her eyes will open up and realize that this FUN relationship is what, after all, she deserves in life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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