I'm falling for a married friend...hard!
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old MaleI've already spent weeks agonizing over this and now I need an objective opinion. As a bit of background, by wife and I have been married for 8years, my friend has been married for 18. I've come to realize over the last year or so that my current marriage is loveless (from my end) and I am only staying with my present wife for financial stability and convenience. I know now that I was just too young when I got married to her. I want both of us to be able to spend the rest of our time here finding our true loves. My friend is in a similar situation as well, but she doesn't speak of it much.
I've worked with my female friend for 3 years and we've always had a special connection. We can exchange a look and know just what the other is thinking. We often take our breaks together and talk about whatever comes up. Our birthdays are one day apart and our ages are one year apart. We have so much in common it's at once frightening and endlessly wonderful. She recently left the company to return to her home town about two hours away to be closer to her children. Just this past weekend she came to town for a mutual friends birthday. We hung out together at the party as much as we could without raising the suspicions of my wife or our friends. She had already planned on spending the night with my wife and me, but the next day my wife had to head out of town on business and my friend and I ended up spending the whole day together, just hanging out. nothing sexual has occured between us yet. We went to breakfast, then came back to my place and just talked for over eight hours. We've only just begun to do things together (hiking, lunches, etc) to develop our friendship, but I already feel the magic and the lovesickness when we're apart. We've been texting and emailing each other several times each day. just friendly stuff again, but I tell her I miss her and when she's sad I tell her I wish I was there to make her feel better. I don't know yet if she feels anything more for me than friendship, but I've been doing all I can to let her know that I care for her without just blurting it out. I want to develop our relationship slowly because she means everything to me and I don't want to hurt her.
I'd have never guessed that I could end up in such a sticky situation but here I am. Any advice that you may have about this is greatly appreciated. I'm planning on sitting down with my wife when she returns in two weeks to discuss the end of our marriage. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do because she still loves me. I just can't return her love and havn't been able to for some time. I don't think it's fair to either of us to have a fake marriage.
RomanceClass.com AdviceYou and your friend have had ample opportunity to express romantic feelings where they exist.
That there have been no professions of love leads me to believe that the relationship is one sided. In other words, she may not be as interested in you as you are in her. She has children to consider while you don't.
Meanwhile your wife loves you and your relationship could be saved.
Why not see a professional counsellor and see if something could be done to repair your relationship. This would be a better solution all around.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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