Two big problems....

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I am currently in a long distance relationship with a girl that I care for very very much. She lives a few states away from me, so it's not like I can drive up and see her. But lately there have been a multitude of problems. First, she broke up with me for this other guy a few years ago, a guy that lived in her state. We remained friends, but she kept telling me about how great he was. A few months later, he treated her like crap and she was back with me. She remained friends with this guy though, and two months later, cheated on me with him again. After a long time she lied to me saying she was raped, and since I loved her I believed her. However a few months later she told me and I felt awful. That same night she cut ties with him by calling him and telling him off. The problem is, she is going to be moving up here when she is out of school because she hates her family where she lives. I am worried that she will cheat on me again. Not only that, but she is worried that I will cheat on her as well though I tell her I won't.

Another thing, we have our own fantasies when it comes to lovemaking. But she has been worried that the only way I am satisfied is through the fantasies. I never thought it was a bad thing because I am a guy, I figured it was normal. But she constantly thinks negatively over herself because of it. The more I think about all of this, the more depressed I feel. I love her very much, but I don't want her depressed like this, nor have me paranoid on if she will cheat on me again. Advice
Life is difficult with a LDR and cheating happens.

You can't live your life happily worrying that she is going to cheat and likewise for her and you cheating. You need to have long, honest, trusting, and affectionate conversations on this subject until you get it talked out. You might not find a solution, but the talking will help.

As far as fantasizing, you need to find a level where both of you are happy... otherwise it just won't work period. Once again, talk with her and see where you might compromise. Since she has done it with you, she must at some level get some enjoyment out of it. Find that comfort zone.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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