He Has a Girlfriend, I Want to Be Lovers
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I have a friend of a friend who I've only seen twice. My new friend and I are really close, not because we hang together often, but because when where together we click. I've only stayed with him to visit for a weekend at his college and another time was nine months after that I went to his hometown with the friend I met him through for a week. The both of us feel like we've known each other for years and years, and we can talk about almost everything. He lives far away from me, but I want to let him know that I not only want to be friends but lovers.
I've read everything on this site and more about how to make that transition, but if we're far apart how can we hang out more often to switch that friendship.
I know it's wierd, but right now, he has a girlfriend. I'm confused because he tells me little things he doesn't like about her, and whenever I see him we hug like we're elementary school buddies, and we've kissed each other on the cheek each time. He shows he has feelings for me and even says I Love you when we get off the phone. He's moving closer to me but we'll still be far apart. My question to you is: How do I get closer without actually being in the same state? Do I have to wait extra long? I'm stuck, Please help.
You can't get closer - he HAS A GIRLFRIEND. Unless you want to send yourself into a pretty miserable hole of being the Other Woman and building a relationship based on lies and deceptions, he needs to make a decision. Either he considers you his girlfriend, or he considers her his girlfriend. If he stays with her, then you should be a SUPPORTIVE FRIEND which means not destroying the relationship he is in. A real friend is hardly one that goes around demolishing the relationships another friend has built up.
That choice is his either way. But I strongly recommend you not making it an active aim of yours to break up other people. Yes, you get along well with this guy. But there are millions of other guys out there too and you would get along just as well with others of them - and I bet at least some of those other guys are not currently in a relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com