Which road should i take now?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
C and i dated for more than a year back in sophomore year in high school. He was my first love, first everything and vice versa. He meant the world to me. Knowing that he was my first real relationship...i did not know much about sacrifices and therefore, i broke up with him the first 6 months of our relationship because he wasn't romantic enough and i regretted it and therefore had a mental breakdown and got back together within a week. 6 months later, he broke up with me because he was going to Germany that summer and has no time for me at all. Another reason is because we both just needed space from each other and we were both pushing each other to breakup. I did not want to breakup with him because I might regret it again like the first time I broke up with him and might have less chances of getting back together with him in future. The reason why he wanted me to breakup with him is because he simply did not want to hurt me. But in the end, he ended it because it was just a necessity. We were both hurt…but it had to happen somehow. We both needed to grow up, experience more in life and all that stuff.
When he broke up with me, my world ended. I went to therapy, read books about breakups, found new hobbies, dated lots of guys and played them...and of course, my favorite....rebounds. I did everything to get over him.
After several boyfriend rebounds after C, he and i ended up being fwb a year later. What i did not expect is that my philosophy about rebounds just proved me wrong. The pain totally caught up with me. All this time...i've been blinded into thinking that rebounds works like a charm for me. A few months after being fwb with C...we got back together only because I missed him so much and I know I’ve changed as a person, and gained more experiences with guys which makes me a better gf but there was one big problem…C changed as well…therefore the relationship only lasted for a week. I ended it for the second time. During the relationship, he was cold every time we talk on the phone and it feels like he's dying to get off the line. Second, i feel like i was nothing more but a sex toy to him. And i'm still in denial because the C that i used know was so loving, caring, down to earth and was always there for me. But then, he changed all of a sudden when we got back together for the 3rd time. I have no idea why this is the case but according to my friends, they said that….it’s like one of those couples who aren’t meant to be for each other…like….bitterness comes hand in hand with love because of the pain we both went through last year. Could this be possibly true?
What i don’t get is that...even more than a year passes by since we broke up the 2nd time...i'm still not over him, and i still love him and yet...i don’t know this new person. We’re going to the same university this fall and i haven’t spoken to him ever since i broke up with him a few months ago. I can't stop thinking about him and right now, I don’t want anyone else but him for fear of another rebound and have the pain and longing for C to catch up with me again. C never had another gf after me. I really want to know what caused this sudden change of his when we got back together and I want to know what he truly feels for me right now. Must I pursue my answers? Should I let it go and just have time heal the pain? But I’m loosing patience with time! Because all this C talk has been going on for almost 2 years now! I’m confused of what I should do. Which path should I take?
You've had many chances with C but they didn't work out.
Plus, he has changed into someone different.
My advice is to let it go and bear the pain for a while. You will be better off in the long run. Otherwise you will be suffering pain over and over again.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com