Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My fiance and I keep having the same argument over and over. He is very judgmental and any time I bring up something from my past (from my high school or college years which are 10 years ago)in conversation he will demean how I acted or things I did - and I didn't even know him back then. I feel afraid to discuss random past experiences for fear that he'll judge me or I'll end up defending what I did and getting angry myself. I don't feel bad about anything I did in the past or think it's anything out of the ordinary for a growing adult and I refuse to make excuses. I love him but I don't know how to stop these arguments from resurfacing. Whenever they happen I tell him I'm just trying to share parts of my life with him, not looking for his acceptance or any judgment, yet to him he feels he's just entitled to an opinion and to expressing it and if I can't handle that he says we must not be compatible. Any suggestions?
Is this the same fiance who cheated on you?
And he has the nerve to judge you on your past? Maybe he is using that as a method of taking your mind off of his cheating.
Everything you say makes sense. And his last comment is true too... if you can't come to an agreement about his judgementalism then perhaps you are incompatible.
There is a limit to how many of these past recollections you will have and if he is so unreceptive you may decide not to share them.
Here's an odd thought: maybe you are bringing up these old things to make him feel jealous and angry... just as he made you feel when he cheated. It would make sense for you to subconsciously do that.
Some random thoughts on a tough question! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Leave it in the past