Will She Ever Talk to Me Again?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Ok I've got a question regarding a woman I met at work. I met her about 8 months ago, and right away, we were talking, and all indications were good that we were becoming good friends. We emailed each other a lot at work and flirted over Email, sometimes we emailed 10-12 times a day, and I would go out to talk to her a lot (sometimes for 20-25 minutes at a time), and she seemed to enjoy talking with me. I did little favors for her, like bring her water, coffee, gum, fruit, etc. There were times when she said she would call me over the week-end, or I should call her, but she never did. I also have her phone number and her home Email address. Her body language seemed comfortable around me. We've talked a few times on the phone out of work, and we both felt comfortable.
For the first 4-5 months, I was interested in a relationship w/ her, but over the last 3, I just want to be friends, and I tried to be friends. I'm not sure if she was interested in being friends w/ me or not, or interested in a relationship, because I get confused cz of the following: I would sometimes call her on her cell phone, and she wouldn't even acknowledge that I called, or return my calls. I asked her if I was calling too much, and told her (to her face) that I'm not making relationship advances, I just want to be friends, and she said it was ok and she knows that. We even shared very personal problems. She recently disclosed to me some very personal things that have happened in the past and a lot about the present, she indicated "to help me understand her better," that I believe you would only tell a very close friend, or person that you trusted a lot. She always used to Email me w/ very personal things that she is thinking or going on in her life. She has called me a couple of times crying on the phone, one time she was just happy crying, and the other time she was crying cz of a relationship she was having w/ another guy. She also tells me about other guys she likes sometimes too. We did have arguments though once in a while, but always made up after.
So this is 8-9 months later (after all this is going on), and I recently asked her if she would like to hang out for 10-15 minutes on break, and she said no. I have hinted at hanging out w/ her after work at other times, but never really kept following through cz I kind of got the impression that she didn't want to? I kind of got confused, and I've wanted to tell her for a while, so I did, cz I couldn't understand why she would do all of the above and say "we are friends," yet seem not to want to hang out (like friends?). but we were friends, right?
I can tell she is upset, and may not talk to me again? To make it worse, she doesn't want to discuss the topic ever again (she told me).
One of her latest emails stated (briefly) "Friendship is simple. You are trying to understand me more, and I won't let you in, and that's bothering and frustrating you. It's funny, you are always trying to fool me and yourself. Don't worry, I am a very understanding person, and I will always be here for you."
So that's it (briefly I hope). What does that mean? I guess I screwed up eh? Well, as of last week, we don't talk anymore like we used to, and I miss talking to her and emailing her a lot, it's pretty depressing. I just want to be friends, but she thinks I like her for more, even though I've told her I don't. I don't know what to think or do. Are/were we friends? Were there mixed signals by both of us? I feel like a dork and don't know how to fix this situation.
She is sending you mixed signals.
First she tells you intimate things and calls you crying for a shoulder to lean on. Then she puts you off by not wanting to spend some break time together and sending you strange emails telling you that you are a friend but not really.
My advice is to let her call the shots and if she doesn't call or email then let it be. Maybe you have come on too strong as a friend and she is trying to get the message to you. So, go with the flow and see what happens.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com