Telling the Other Woman

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Person
My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me all of a sudden last year. He has a new girlfriend(was dating her when we were together) whom he was with for 6 months till she moved out of the country for a job. They talk, write etc regularly and meet up once every 3 months.

Since she has gone, he has started being intimate with me saying he has some feelings for me. I did not know how serious his relationship with the other woman was till last week when I found her letters (he does not know) etc where she discusses the future etc.I told him its over even though i care for him a lot.

I am so mad that I really want to let the other woman know what a player and a cheater he is. I have nothing to do with him in future. She is going to be in town next week. Please advice. If I do tell her how should I do that without letting him know about it. Advice
It's always a big question whether or not to tell the 'other woman' what has been going on. On one hand she definitely deserves to know the truth and deserves to be able to make a fully informed decision based on that truth. On the other hand, it's sometimes best to talk away from a nasty situation like that and just let them stew in their own juices, so to speak. They won't be happy together anyway, if they have that level of lies and deception already in their life. They will self destruct at some point along the way.

If you really have a strong urge to inform her, then do so and know that you helped someone else stay out of pain and heartache. But whether you do or not, try your best to put him solidly in your past and move on. There are definitely liars out there, and we learn our lessons from our time with them. But we need to leave them in the past, and find a new relationship where we can trust and be loved.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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