believe or not to believe, that is the question

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
im 16 and my boyfriend is now 19. last year when we were still getting serious,my friends friend came to me and told me that she had slept with my boyfriend a year before i met him,i didnt mind as it was before i met him, but i felt i did have a right to know from him if it was true, ofcause he denied it to me time and time again,i believed him and thought that girl was just trying to cause friction between me an my partner, until one night he "busted" himself and it ended up it was all true. i let it go quite easily as it was before i got with him, but was hurt that he lied straight to my face. after a year of being together, a girl i really despised came forward to me and told me she had slept with my boyfriend more than once while we were still together, there is numerous reasons for why i believe her and why i dont but i love my boyfriend so much and that even though we have discussed this issue and he has promised me its not true,i cant help not thinking about it. i think im just scared of facing reality and losing him!the more i bring up this issue to him the more i feel we drifting apart!i know if i let this slide and that if it is true, he will just keep on taking advantage of me for being the forgiving person i main conclusion is if that other girl came up to me and told me she slept with him, and my boyfriend denied it, but "busted"himself, im scared that the same is going to happen again, she came forward because she felt i should know,he has denied it. im dreading that if its true, id rather not want to know, its been months since this happened but im still hurting, but havnt showed it. if its true i need him to come forward, so i can forgive him and get on with my life, iv given him chances to tell me the truth,and he still sticks with the "its not true, i swear"story. but the problem is that even if its not true, ill still be hurting everyday. why is that? worst thing is... i think its true im 60% of believing the girl.40%believing my boyfiend. but just keep in mind that this girl has tried to come between us before!
what should i do??? Advice
Trust is one of the most important aspects of a good relationship.

You need to reach closure on this because it will bug you forever if you don't. Talk to the girl again and ask her for details that will prove your boyfriend is lying. If she can't convince you then you should believe your boyfriend 100%.

Another aspect of a good relationship is communications. Communicate openly, honestly, and gently with your boyfriend and let him know that you are hurting. He should care enought to be honest with you.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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