Jealous Over her Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend is best friends with her ex. They grew up together and he was her first love. They hang out alot and i feel he has a part of her heart that i will never have and that upsets me. I also live an hour and 10 min away.

I am very selfish and jealous and i want her all to myself!!, but i know i can't be like that. She just says she loves him as a friend and nothing else. Maybe i should give it time considering i have only known her for 8 months and she has known him for 12 years. Advice
On one hand, if she seemed at all interested in getting back with him, I would agree with you 100%. Part of being in a relationship is to actively avoid temptation. There are ALWAYS people out there that are sexier, younger, richer, whatever. If you are going to LET yourself be lured away, it will happen. If she doesn't see you often, sees a ton of him, it could be "natural" that she falls in love with him and decides to just date him instead. So if there is any risk that that situation could happen, you're justified in being concerned that she is "setting the stage" for all of that by always being with him.

On the other hand, your desire to have her 100% for yourself is very unhealthy! Every human being needs a wide selection of friends and companions, of ALL races, colors, sexes, ages, etc. It is part of being a well rounded person. You should want her to be as happy as possible, just as she should want the same for you. Yes, you should be the PRIMARY person in each others' lives, but you should never be the ONLY person.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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