Getting a Boyfriend to Talk

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
How can I get my boyfriend to talk to me more and tell me how he feels? Advice
Boys are taught from when they are little not to show emotions. They're told to "be a man!" when they get hurt. Guys that are dumped are supposed to go to bars and sit silently over a glass of vodka. So trying to get a boy that has bought into that whole male-attitude is going to be hard.

Being boyfriend-girlfriend is all about honesty, trust, and openness. It means that you two can trust each other with things that nobody else knows. You need to make sure you have this solid basis for your relationship. Do you talk regularly? Do you feel comfortable sharing your innermost secrets with each other? Being comfortable grows over time and takes practice. So you can't go from never-talking-seriously to just one day say "tell me Your Feelings!" It doesn't work like that. The trust has to be there already.

So find a time when you're alone together for an evening. When it's quiet and there's nothing else going on. And then start talking. Tell him about your hopes and dreams, about the way you feel. And encourage him to share. Listen to him. Really LISTEN. Don't interrupt, don't get upset, don't intrude. Let him know that *whatever* he feels, no matter how strange or unusual, that you will accept it, will listen, will BE THERE. As he grows to understand this, he will trust you more, talk more, share more.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

Visitor Submitted Responses
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Talking with boys
You tell him first
Guys need to trust
Tell him more

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