Trying to Break Up a Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I'm 15 years old and I really like a girl. she has a girlfriend already. I asked her, would you like me to wait around, or to leave it... she said leave it.

It really hurts how things are now, i will act normal around her.... but every time i see her it breaks my heart and its changing my life in a bad way.
I dont know whether i should tell her that this is really hurting me... or pretend i am ok with it.

But what i dont understand is, if her girlfriend is so sick and they hardly see eachother, I dont know why she stays with her when she clearly has even a little thing for me!

Should I tell her how I am feeling? Or should I leave her alone? do you think if i dont talk about it, but keep flirting that she will eventually want to go out? Advice
I know it's hard to accept, but she CARES FOR this other girl. When you care for someone, you don't abandon them because they're sick. You don't abandon them because of long distance issues! And you most certainly don't abandon them just because someone else looks interesting. The whole point of a relationship is that you make a commitment to someone. If you just ditch them when the first hiccup comes along, that doesn't say very much for your commitment or your honor.

You should be proud that this girl is such a wonderful person, that she honors and is trustworthy and reliable and there for her relationship. The last thing you should be doing is looking down on her resolve and discounting it. If *you* had a girlfriend right now, would you want her to just go running off anytime something else looked better? That's not the way people in a relationship are supposed to act.

She knows you like her. She knows you want to be with her! Telling her won't change that. And if you actively try to drive them apart, she is going to think pretty poorly of you. It will show her how little you value loyalty and friendship - things she obviously values very highly.

You should stay friends with her, and respect her commitment she has. If she does eventually break up with the other girl ON HER OWN, she will value you and go to you. But if you ACTIVELY work to harm their relationship, you will be the last person she wants to be near afterwards - because you will have proven in no uncertain terms that you cannot be trusted in affairs of the heart.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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