I dated my best friend's girlfriend but we never left our real partners

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
me and my best friends ex both came out one day telling eachother that we both had feeling for one another, so i broke up with my girlfriend at the time for her.

This all happened during spring break and we both knew we had feeling for eachother but she still had some for her ex, my best friend, but she was always crying and mad and all that stuff. i gave her her space, not to get into the middle of their own situation cause i dont want to cause anything else. so, for about a month we were i guess "secretly" seeing eachother. i was going over, she was coming over, talking on the phone and stuff but it never went any futher, tho she did want me to kiss her but i didnt. we did that secret stuff because we were still in school and if her ex and my ex drove by one anothers house and saw one of our cars there, something was going to happen or if someone saw and told them. so we both agreed that we needed to wait till after graduation to start something.

by then she was talking to someone else and i was talking with my ex again. i guess me and my ex are back together but i still have feeling for the other girl. then come to find out her and her ex got back together. she told me she was sorry and stuff and we still tell eachother we love one another. but her boyfriend, my friend, is leaving to college about 8 hours away and we are going to be here still and my girlfriend is leaving too but not as far.

so my question is what to i do?? i think about her constantly and would do anything for her and she already said the same but then i still have my current girlfriend to worry about which i love too. im just really confused and think me and my friends girlfriend have some unfinished business to deal with because we both know we love eachother. thanks a lot

RomanceClass.com Advice
You're really in a confusing mess!! Look, I know it's easy to fall in love with multiple girls. Every girl has their own special look and special personality and they can be very interesting and attractive. But if you go around just allowing yourself to fall in love with different girls, and lie and betray your "real girlfriend", then you are cheating her and cheating yourself. Real love is being able to believe 100% in someone, to know that they are putting you in front of everything else, that you and your partner are shoulder to shoulder against the world. Right now you are NOT being that for your girlfriend. You are lying to her, betraying her and not treating her with honor. Doesn't she deserve someone that loves her 100%, someone that doesn't put anyone else above her?

Temptations are out there. They are always out there! But it is up to you to either commit to your girlfriend and avoid those temptations, or to break up with your girlfriend because you cannot honor your commitment. Again, your girlfriend deserves a boyfriend that is going to do what he says he'll do, that will stand by her. So far you have not done any of those things. You are in essence she doesn't deserve a real boyfriend. Which is not fair to her at all.

If you really do want to stay with your girlfriend, then tell the other girl goodbye. You can still care for her, but she can't be a distraction in your life. What if there was a serious situation, like a car crash? Now you are trying to decide who to pull out first? Your girlfriend has to be able to DEPEND on you, that you are always there for her. That is a very serious trust she has place in you, and you need to live up to it.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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