Get him back or not?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I'm new to the forums, but here's my story:
I met my guy when I was 17, and he was 19, we've been going out for almost two years. He's turning 21 next week, and I'll be 19 in a month. When we started going out, I was very immature, and insecure, and so I had bad habit of seeking attention from other guys, becuase it made me feel better about myself. On more then three occasions within our first year together, I had went out with single friends, and flirted with guys, talked intimately with guys, and though things never got physical, it still wasn't right because I was in a relationship. Each time my boyfriend would find out about my antics, and he'd confront me and I'd lie and he'd find the truth from someone else, and then I'd own up to it. Each time he forgave me for lying and for putting him in those situations.
To top it off, his mother had been very abusive to him as a child, and everyone he loved had betrayed him in some way. He was very cautious and guarded after I continously betrayed his trust as well. THis year my guy was going through a lot, and shit just wasn't going right for him... Everyone was betraying him, and he needed to count on me not to. I promised him that I wouldn't hurt him. And then a week later I had an incident where I went out with single friends, and guys just so happened to be there. Nothing happened, not even me flirting with them, but for someone when my bf confronted me about the situation I lied, because I didn't think he would beleive that I was with guys all night and nothing happened... Soon after I lied, he found the truth out. It was devasting for him, and he believed that I cheated.
So he suggested that we take a two month break. And so we went on the break for about three weeks. And it was so hard for me, because he made it seem like I hurt him like the rest, when I didn't intentionally I mean I love him... Well I was in college in Chicago(where he is still) and my family moved to Ohio, so Ohio is where I spend my summer, and I go back to chicago for college... sO we agreed to see each other before I left for a four month summer break.
When we saw each other, he bought us a hotel room(like we always do) and we had sex(like we always do) and we acted like we always do, as a couple. But he still wanted the break. I cried, I beged him to take me back, promised I change just like the other times, and he still said he wanted the break. He told me that life is shit for him now, and that things are going good for me, and that I need to find someone better, and that we shouldn't talk at all, and that we don't need to be togehter, and that I need to date others and forget about him.
Then a few days later I called him(this was when I got to Ohio) and he wnated to know when I was coming back to Chicago, and he got jealous when I said I was going on a roadtrip, he wanted to know who I was going with, and when I told him I was going to take his advice and date other guys, he got mad too. He stayed on the phoen with me for three hours.
I mean his behavoir is odd. I don't know what to do. He wants me to move on, but his actions speak louder then his words.. I don't know. How do I get him back? I realize now that I need to change, and I'm working on myself... But I want him back. I need help, and some tips or advice!
Since you want him back don't date other guys.
He actions do speak louder than words. He seems to want you back too.
Make plans to visit him in Chicago during the summer... or have him down to Ohio or meet in between. Once a month would be good. Talk to him on the phone at least once a week. Send him sweet emails. Make a big deal about his birthday and if you possibly can, go see him on his birthday.
He needs support now and will probably respond well to your overtures.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com