How do I let him know I'm still worth it?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex and I have been broke up for 8 months now. He was sleeping with this older woman and finally broke things off with her. He started being all sweet and flirty with me again. We've been talking a little and hanging out some, just keeping things friendly (but still a little flirty). I know he's still going to talk to other girls, I've been going out with other guys (I don't think he knows that though). I know he's at least going to talk to them, ya know. Ultimately I want him back. I want to marry him. I've only gone out with these guys, nothing more, because he means too much to me, but I am at least trying. Here's what has set me off: yesterday he's flirty with me again and even sits with me at church. Then asks if I want to play v-ball later and that he'll call me. Well, he calls me later and says he and his two daughters are going out to the court to play even if no one shows up to play ball, that I should come out anyway. Well, I went. Right after I get there the woman he was sleeping with showed up. she's evil. Well, she's being all sweet and smiley at me and asking how I was. I was polite and very nice. Then she takes off to sit on a bench by herself back off away from where we are. (it's me, my ex, his 2 girls and their cousin) Well, he starts trying to figure out where she's at, if she left, then locates where she's sitting and takes off up there too. He stayed up there for and hour and a half. They weren't close or touching, just talking. I don't know if she just showed up or if he asked her to come. Either way, she was there and obviously they still talk for her to know where he is. bottom line, he always chooses to hurt me over anyone else. I'm tired of it. I've been the supporter, the encourager, the friend and the forgiver. I'm worth more than how he has treated me. I feel like he's completely taken for granted how much I care about him and his daughters. I feel like he thinks if he has to hurt someone that it should be me because I've always forgiven him before and I'm always there. What would it do if I just confronted him about how I felt, how he's been treating me and that I'm not always going to be there for him? Am I jumping the gun on ending the friendship I've been working so hard to gain back? What should I do? I feel completely crazy and I'm wondering if I should just give it a little longer for him to notice that I am worth it. So much of me knows that he does care about me, that he just doesn't have a clue what he wants. You have to help me with this. I don't know what else to do. I've stayed away and let him make all the contact, I've been the friend and let him cry, and I've been the strong one in situations like the one stated above. What do you think he expects of me?
You have spent a lot of time working to make the relationship a good one.
You two seem to have a reasonably good rapport, but he is taking advantage of you. Case in point, he invited you to play vb and then left you for 1 1/2 hours talking to another woman while you, in essense, were babysitting his daughters and a cousin.
He doesn't sound like he is making much effort, so either you will need to be a little more direct with him and make him understand that you are starting to lose patience with him. Then, if things don't improve you should consider dropping him as not worth your time.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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