I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
recently my GF that I've been dating on and off for about 2 years returned from her stay in England after I found out that she has bulimia. On her return though, I've found that she has completely shut herself off from me.
While she was in England I had taken a trip out to visit her, I stood by her side through the hard times she was facing, and even got her back home. But now she's back home, focusing on her family's problems and not her own. She's convinced that she has to be there for them, which I respect. But she's ignoring her own needs.
I recently had a talk with her, she told me that she is confused again and doesn't know if she wants to be with me or not. I told her she probably doesn't need the stress of a relationship right now, and that we should put things on hold until she figures things out and takes care of some issues. I gave her the necklace I wear that I made from a charm she had given me back when we first met. She accepted it and put it on. since then I've only heard from her once when we got into a fight online about her situation.
She felt like I was telling her what to do when I was only trying to give her advice. She asked me to just give her space and that's what I've been doing. She hasn't called or talked to me since, and it's been a little over a week. I haven't tried to contact her either.
What worries me is that I feel like after all I've done for her she has just completely shut me out and pulled a 180 on me. I noticed she has been accessing her old yahoo personals ad again recently. And even added some people she's met on there to her buddy list. I don't know if she's been dating, maybe she's just looking for friends. From what I've heard from family she's mostly just focusing on being there for her family.
I don't want to make assumptions... I mostly think her attitude is coming from the bulimia and the stress at home. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I don't want to lose her, I love her with all my heart, and if she took the time to look at my actions she'd see that. I just don't understand how she can suddenly stop loving me. I feel like she hates me but I don't even know if that's true. She could just really need time. Is there anything I should do? Should I try talking to her? Or just wait it out and wait for her to come to me? I can't help feeling that she's already replaced me some how. I really don't want to lose her, I just wish she's see that she has a wonderful guy right infront of her that's been there for her all along.
Contact her once a week just to see how she is doing and to remind her you are there for her. Don't dwell on your relationship and keep the contact short--about 15 mins.
This will give her the space she needs and give you the contact you need.
Try to walk this line until she is ready to come back to you. It's the best you can do now.
Also, since you suggested the break, make sure she knows that you are eager to get back together (just tell her this once or you might push her away).
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com