I cant compete with her low self-esteem
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am trying to help my wife with what I believe may be very low self esteem but I am confused because it seems to all revolve around what she feels I think about her. She'll ask me questions like "Am I your ultimate?" And my answers are something like: "Of course, baby! No one can compare to you because you are the only one in my book. You are the only one I want to ever desire or be attracted to for the rest of my life."
That is the honest truth. I believe that it's my love for her that allows me to single her out and make her the only one I'll ever care to love, admire, be attracted to. However, she can not fathom this and thinks that when I point out that it's my love for her that makes these things possible, she calls that "pity."
One time she asked me what kind of girl I had in mind before I met her. I told her that my standards weren't so high back then and that I really was just needed someone to love me and that I found that in her. As she pushed for more details, she wanted to know specifically what body type I wanted in a partner. I attempted to reassure her that I was happy with her and that I'll be happy with her even when one day she has a big-headed baby in that tummy and when one day we're old together with gray hair and wrinkles. But she kept pushing. So, I held my breath and crossed my fingers, I decided not to lie to her and I admitted that when I was single I did think I'd be with someone who was of athletic build, BUT I'm very happy with her and I've found love and desire in her "curvaceous-yumminess." She is by no means fat. She simply has a healthier, genetically thicker body type. Even if she had a double-chin or unsightly rolls OR IF SHE EVER does, I will still love her and I will help and encourage her for her health's sake.
Admitting (my ideal mate before I met her) to her seems like a big mistake, but I still stand by the fact that there is no comparison of her in my mind and there never will be. She is the only one I'll ever care to love and I know it is my love for her that compels me to accept and desire her this much.
Am I somehow being naive? I feel like one of us is missing the mark terribly, because we are at quite an impasse here and it is affecting our love life on many levels.
Thank you for your opinion.
RomanceClass.com Advice
Just print out what you wrote above and show it to her. If that doesn't convince her, nothing else will.
Good luck! George -- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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