We need him home
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My x and I have over two years and two beautiful, young children together. Please, I want the family to stay together.He left after 27 months together. My sons were 2 months and 14 months old. He failed to contact me and never even said he was leaving. He acted as though he was going to work. He called after 5 days saying he wanted to come home with his 2 brothers as well. I paid for the tickets and he came home.He left again 8 days later saying he had a job interview and never came home. He called the same night and left a message saying not to be mad at him. He has been gone for 8 weeks now. He calls every day.We fought alot at first, but since I have been trying to be his friend. He says I am the only friend he has and he calls for the kids. The topic of the kids does not come up besides are they ok. We talk about us. He says he will return back in under 6 months and to please let him see the kids. He says he will send money for the kids and pay the phone bill and trailer payment every month.He got very upset when I went to McDonald's with his friend and called and told him to stay away although denies he did that. He has even called asking for phone sex a couple times.I am always sure to tell him I love and miss him and want the family intact because the kids are so young. One day he loves me and will work things out. The next day it is that he doesn't want anything to do with me.He said I have anger issues and I agree. I have now been in therapy since the week after he left. I feel he is scared that I have not changed. I told him I do not want to work on us now, but when he comes home. By the time he gets here, I will have completed therapy and anger management.I will be standing on my own two feet and I will want him here,not need him here so the whole enviroment will be different. He sayd he don't know,but maybe later he will give me a yes answer,but for now it is no.I believe he still cares or he wouldn't call every day and be offering to pay my bills, so I don't move.He has even called my dad to ask him not to be mad at him and he will return.So, what should I do to get him to see he cares. I know he doesn't realize the harshness that we aren't together because of the fact that we talk every day.And I also want to send him a copy of my therapy papers so he sees I am working on this very hard.Would that be wrong or pushy ?
You are doing a lot of good things and good things are happening between you and your ex.
Keep doing what you are doing. When he calls, tell him thanks for caring so much to make the effort. Give him upbeat information about the kids and suggest that they miss him.
Send him copies of the anger management papers, it should impress him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com