She's Got a Girlfriend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hi i am bisexual. There is this girl I like and she is also bisexual. But she has a gf!

I did not want to ask her out but I wanted her to know my feelings so i told her, she said to me i am heaps hot but she could not do that to her gf because it would hurt her and her gf is sick.

she then said, I would if i could... but then when i went into more questions, she told me that she has feelings for her gf.. when i ask does she have feelings for me.. she goes all red and laughs and says i dont know... It seems to me like she does and i dont want to let go cause I am crazy about her.. but i dont want her to cheat.... what could she say to her gf considering it would hurt her when shes sick? Advice
Yes, you like her. But the whole point of liking her is (hopefully) wanting her to be happy. And deliberately forcing her to break up with a girl she obviously cares about is the opposite of that!!

The whole point of being in a relationship is being trustworthy. Yes, she is interested in you. Most of us in the world are interested in multiple people! That's what life is about, having lots of interesting people around us. But when you make a *commitment* to someone, it has meaning. It is you saying that you dedicate yourself to working on that relationship and being honest and trustworthy in that relationship.

If you forced her to break up with the other girl, how could she now trust you when she dates you? What if you find someone else that is "more interesting" - will you now just dump her and move along? Either you respect a relationship or you don't - and if you actively cause relationships to break up it will seriously damage how people perceive you.

I would be great friends with this girl and enjoy her friendship. Yes, it would be nice if you could have more. But it would be nice if you had a million dollars too :) Somehow you survive without it. Enjoy her company, enjoy that she's happy, and SUPPORT her. Do NOT try to break up her relationship!

If she naturally decides that other relationship isn't for her, then great. You guys can hook up. But that must be HER decision. If it's not, then she'll always resent you a bit for being an actively harmful part of her life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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