Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My bf and i had been going out for about 10 months but had seen eachother for a couple of months. Towards the end of our relationship, i began recieving emails from his ex and her friends disguised as someone else tryingt to compare her to me and how he was never going to get over her. My bf, before me, had been single for over a year and prior to that had been in a relationship for 4 years. He told me tat his past relationship wasnt good. They would curse at eachother while arguing and he said he realize he didnt love her but instead stayed with her only because he was used to her. Once they got to college they lived together but that's when things really went wrong and they broke up. Ever since she's been a psycho about it. And even 2 years later, while him and i were together she would try to send him txt, call him and email him. He never replied and once sent her an email saying to leave him and me alone. that he never loved her and she needed to stop bothering us. In december things got though for us because we were so used to seeing eachother all the time but both of us were so busy with school and plus we were also having more arguments, nothing serious, but they were constant. Days before our break up he had told me how much he loved me and asked that i never leave him. But then, In xmas break after an argument about a fam event, i asked if he needed time away from me and he took it. He said that he felt we werent going anywhere because of all the argumets we were having. He left with his fam to mexico for about 3 weeks and would call me everyother day from mexico. When he came back things remained the same and we were "friends" we stopped hanging out and kissing for about over a month now. And he told me 2 months ago that he realized he didnt want to be in a relationship. I know that he still cares for me because he got really hurt when he saw me dancing with a guy (although he's been going out and dancing too) and he told me he didnt want to be friends w me anymore. But a day after he apologized for the things he said and we've kept talking. Im so tired of it though because i want him to come back but i know that as long as we speak he wont because he knows he still has me. I dont know why the sudden change. If supposedly he was over the messing around and when he met me he was the one who wanted this to turn into a serious relationship. For the past 3 days or so i havent called him or txted him, he's the one who has tried calling me, txting me and IMming me. Yesterday i got a txt saying that it was obvious something was bothering me and that i was dissing him and that he wasnt going to bother anymore. I told him i needed my time to sort things out and get them straight. He hasnt replied. I think i have to do this because he has to see what life would be without me, since he hasnt seen it since we broke up but im truly scared that he wont come back and that if he does it's too late. I need input from guys or people that have been in similar situations as to what they think will happen...

RomanceClass.com Advice
Why not tell him the truth?

Tell him you are tired of the break and want to get back together and work on improving your relationship. You both need to do something about the arguing and the staleness that came between you before. Perhaps he feels the same way too.

That is the open and honest way to approach this problem and it may work or not. Nothing is guaranteed. The other way is to play hard to get. The problems with that are first it is dishonest and he will detect it now or later. The other problem is that he may use it as an excuse to stay away from you. But if that's the way he feels then you probably don't want to be around him anyway.

BTW, don't think his jealousy proves anything. Boyfriends often have "flashback jealousy" where they think they are still your b/f and they take it personally. I sometimes still have flashback jealousy about my high school girlfriend and that was long ago.

Hope some of that helped! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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