Is he playing games with me?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex has started being friendly toward me again after not speaking to me for about 3 months. He was dating another woman. Supposedly he broke up with her. I wondered why all of a sudden he could speak to me again! He finally decided that it was time to break things off with her. Everyone knew it was just sex...and that it wouldn't last long anyway. He doesn't even like her. She's just easy. Well, he told our best friend that he was tired of her that he couldn't believe he let it last that long and that he wanted a relationship, something more than sex. Our friend asked about me and my ex said that he really missed me and that he wanted more than anything to have his best friend back but that he didn't think I could do that. Which, he's probably right, I'm still completely in love with him and I don't want to just be his friend! It's weird though because we've been friendly and nice to each other since he broke up with her, I really feel like I can be his friend, but only if he's done with her. I still don't know what happened with us. We were best friends for months before we started dating and we dated seriously for 2 years. It's only been 7 months since we split. I saw him this past Sunday morning and he was down-right flirting with me! This was the first time in a couple of weeks that he has flirted, but he was definitely flirting. He kept looking me up and down and smiling and even blusing when I'd catch him. That was before service. SHE was there in service and evidently was there last week too. (I wasn't) She's evil and even hates church. He told me after church that she called him the night before and told him she was coming, that she didn't have anyone to spend Easter with. Which she doesn't, she doesn't have any friends. I'm wondering if she's just playing the pity party game with him and he feels sorry for her or if he's keeping her around for a romp when he wants it. Now, she's the type that will use anything she can to keep him and he's the type that never wants to hurt anyone's feelings. I just don't get why it's okay to hurt my feelings and not hers. IF he still cares about me the way he's told his friends he does then why is he treating me like this? THe last time we talked at length I asked him why sometimes he's smiling at me and really sweet and occassionally he ignores me. He said that sometimes he's okay and able to be himself around me and sometimes its hard and uncomfortable to be around me. What does that mean? Why was he flirting with me? Should I keep being myself and play the friend role? I still have hope that he'll come around and he'll want to try again with me, I just can't bear to hurt anymore. I want to be with him and deep down I think he does too. I think he's completely scared about anyone because his first marriage was so bad. Help me, what should I do? I want my best friend back too!
Stay friends with him for the time being.
That seems to be his comfort level right now. Perhaps a few months of being friends will remind him how nice it was to be with you in a dating relationship.
As your friendship progresses you and he will feel more comfortable about sharing feelings and talking about subjects that interest you but that you can't talk about yet.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com