What in the world is on her mind?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
So there's a girl I met about 8 months ago during a party, and for awhile (1-2 months) we were pretty much inseperable. We hung out like every day, lada lada, it was good times, I asked her out, she said she didn't think of me as more than a friend.
It was awkward for a little but we got through it...she went out of town for awhile, I changed a ton (personality wise) which she commented on when she returned. At this point (well, since we first met really) I was desperately in love with her. I know that she's looking for love (who isn't right), and isn't opposed to a relationship...
And post-rejection at another party I got a chance to hook up with her, I know she was down, in retrospect...wish I hadn't been so oblivious and could've taken her down from the 10,000 foot pedestal I had her on for just a second...but drunken lust for a good friend doesn't mean romantic sober attraction, huh? :(
She never really talks about boys around me so I don't know what she likes in a guy...we kinda get back to how we used to be, hanging out all the time, talking all the time, my only hints that she might like me as more than a friend is her calling me babe sometimes and a text message that says 'Hey cutie :)'...
Then out of nowhere I get blind-sided by the 'ignore' truck. This is a girl who has said in the past that she
'loves me more than any other guy' and blah blah...we make plans to do something, she acts really excited, and almost without fail she flakes on me. When we do manage to get together she pretty much flat-out ignores me... I.E. we're with friends and where she always used to ask me for a ride she SPECIFICALLY says 'Can one of you (insert person that's not me) give me a ride?' Like literally...anybody who isn't me, she'd love to get a ride from. And she'll always tell me 'I'll call you later' and I get a call later about...one in ten times. She used to call me all the time, barely ever now...
I know this girl...I know that she isn't trying to hurt me, and that she isn't one of those girls who just likes to have guys drooling over her so she can watch them squirm in agony. At least, not me.
Please...I know you're not me and you don't know her...but if you put yourself in my shoes for a second, what would you think was going on? Does she not even want to be my friend anymore? I don't think in my heart that's true...why is she ignoring me so much? Can she sense my apprehension around her and isn't comfortable around me? I've always been the same amount of nervous around her though and it never stopped her before. Do you think maybe I just judged her wrong and she really is out to break my heart? I feel like I somehow ruined our friendship, even though I didn't do anything but imo improve my personality and appearance...I guess I've started ignoring her a little more but only because of how I turn into a quivering mass of Jell-O around her and normally she initiated contact with me...
Ugh. I'm on the verge of crazy. I love this girl unconditionally and I know that she loves me too, even if it's still only as a friend, so whyyy is she breaking me? Let me know what you think...maybe I should just ask her out one more time and bite the bullet if she says no? But in that case our friendship really was breaking apart for no apparant reason and it'd be straight down the tubes from there...thanks for whatever response you give, even though you don't know her your guess is really as good as mine. I wish she would give me a chance...somehow I know that if I just got allowed one kiss it'd be enough...
Peace n love...
You might never get a straight answer about what caused this.
However, you will feel better to hear something, anything from her which might explain her change of behavior.
If you could get together, that would be great, but if you can't then ask her on the phone if she could explain. She will be put into an uncomfortable position by your question but she has put you there too.
And, there may not be a good reason other than "things happen." Sometimes our feelings change and we don't even know why ourselves.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com