Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
My friends ex recently called me and said she "needed a friend" since she just broke up w/ her last boyfriend(not my friend who had a daughter w/ her yrs ago)). She tried to talk me into moving in w/ her as a "roommate" I told her that I might begin to care to much about her. She asked if I wanted a relationship. I told her I couldn't move in because there is not much space(I'm used to being a loner) i think I'm falling in love w/ her now. I drop all kinds of hints(she still dosen't have a roommate,I'd move in if we could have a relationship). She has introduced me to people as her 'friend' Who is like a brother to her. She signs text messages xoxo. I take her out to eat at NICE places. I lended her money to pay rent. I gave her a new computer. She says she is going to take me out and find me a girlfriend(this really hurts). It's difficult to be her friend because I care(she says I'm being mean?). No real reply. When we are alone (rarely, she dosn't ask me over if her daughters not there, she says she is sick?) She talks about intimate/sexual things all the time. I don't want to push her but I don't have I love sick and can't get on to anything. I've done everything but ask her directly if we could have a relationship if I move in. Also, her daughters father(my old friend)would lose it if he found out I was even talking to her. Mixed signals. What should I do? Also I'm 43 and she is 27.
Don't worry about the age.
First off, talk to her ex (your friend) and tell him you are developing feelings for her and ask if he has a problem with it. If he does then you'll have to choose between him and her.
If he's ok with it then lay it on the line with her and try to get a straight answer out of her. Make sure she knows how you feel about her. Don't let her rope you into a "live in" relationship as friends since that's not what you want.
If she wants you to move in as a friend then she is just trying to use you for financial reasons. Not a good basis for a relationship.
Try to get straight info from all involved and proceed from there.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com