Continuation (Please help) :(
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
This is a continuation of my last post "Crazy Cycle Relationship," because new developments have taken place. First off, I wanna say thanks for the previous help. Now for the new stuff: Well I called my ex a couple weeks ago to clarify the break up...to see if he still wanted to be friends, etc. I cried on the phone, and then he made plans with me for the very next day. I decided it's better to fake the pain and be tough, so I sucked it up and completely changed my demeanor. I acted like I was in the best mood, a little aloof, and very open to him. Ever since then, we've been in contact everyday...as "best friends." If you wanna call it that. He usually makes plans with me first, and we talk more on average more than once a day. But at least once a day. He's repeatedly made comments when it's time for him to go after being with me, that he doesn't wanna leave. He got very worried about me cuz I got sick. He compliments me on my clothes, hair, etc...tells me I'm great. Last Thursday, I went out with some buddies to go drinking...and he kept texting and calling me to see what was up and see how I was...repeatedly....about every half and hour-hour and expected I call him when I got home so that he knew I was ok. Then the next day I made comments about partying again, and he offered to drive up from his house (4o min drive)and take me out for pancakes and buy me drinks and spend time with me and then drive home alone. I didn't have anything else to do, so we hung out. I got very drunk and sick and he took care of me for about 5 hours...we messed around. I thought he changed his mind about me, so I proceeded to ask him when I was sober, and he told me he doesn't want to date me ever again most likely, that he wants "better." Yet the next day he called me three times, and the day after that we worked together. At work, he helped me clean, which whenever we were dating and I asked him or he offered, he would rarely help. This time he seemed overly doting. He was super nice to me and also took his breaks with me, even though I acted as if I didn't care. He asked me about plans for Monday and tried making plans all the way in advance, for Thursday. Just yesterday we spent a long time together watching TV and relaxing in my apartment. He knows I love coffee...and instead of us both going to get some, he offered to get me some all by himself and bought it for me. I gave him money, he didn't use it. We watched some of my favorite programs and he gave me like 5 massages cuz he knows I love them, yet never asked for anything. Things were starting to get a bit...hot...and he stopped me and said he wanted to mess around, but I might get the "wrong idea." And I said with a smile, "Well you don't wanna date me, eh...right!" And he hesitated and said "No..." and then I pulled a 180 and just said, lets have fun, not touch, watch tv, and completely not get serious. And he smiled and seemed very happy....yet kept trying to find ways to touch me playfully and be close to me. He actually wanted to talk in a serious manner...but I pretty much acted oblivious. He also kept telling me how great I am and how he loves spending time with me. Then he had to go, and said he'd call me tomorrow. But he didn't even get too far, and called me twice to say "Hi." He's been doing that a lot, calling me right after he seems me just to say two or three words to me. Tomorrow we are supposed to hang out after I get done with work...I'm letting him sit in my apartment till I get back. We're supposed to drink and I said I didn't have money for anything, so he's like "I'll get you whatever you want and you don't have to pay me back. And I'm still giving you back massages, cuz I love making you feel good." He's been stressing that he likes pleasing me...he watched stuff on TV yesterday that he usually doesn't watch, he went out of his way to buy me coffee...he wants to take care of me. After I had gotten sick that one night and he took care of me, the next day he stressed that he WANTS to take care of me and LOVES it, and will be there for me. He's been calling me a lot just to talk, a lot when he gets up in the morning...or before bed. And when we have messed around, it hasn't been like him initiating it...it's both of us...so he's not like obsessed with that. So I'm very confused...but I could also be biased. I really need another opinion to what is going on. He tells me he doesn't see us together ever...yet he's been around me lots and loving it..and I've noticed he hasn't been checking out tons of other girls around me....like he was a few weeks ago. Something within the past week seems to have changed...he's giving of himself a lot more, he even is working on making me something...even though he's not my BF. What I don't understand is why this was how he wasn't acting as my boyfriend...but now. Around him, I'm usually in a great mood, look good, and very fun. I'm curious...what is going on in his head?
He isn't making it easy to understand.
All of the attention he is paying you goes against what he is saying about not going out together. But he wants a more physical relationship... perhaps that's what's motivating him?
In any case your relationship is very pleasant as is so I advise keeping things the way they are.
Asking him what is going on might also clear the air.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com