I love her and want her back...is it possible though?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Okay so here's the story. I was with my girlfriend for 1 year and 7 months. At first things were great. I had to move 1000 miles from home to attend college and she decided to move with me. But as our relationship continued on, we seemed to fight more often than not and we were stuck in a rut as I refere to it. We both knew we didn't want to fight and we both knew it was over the stupidest things, but we just couldn't seem to break the cycle. Then during one of our arguements, my anger boiled over when she got right in my face and just started screaming in my ear. I asked her to get out of my face several times and she continued yelling so I pushed her back away from me. She instantly started crying and acted as though I had just beat her. I know that pushing her was wrong. I take full responsibility for this and have expressed this to her along with my regret for doing so and have apologized for it a million times, but she still refers to it as me "hitting" her or "beating" her and I feel she uses it as an excuse for too many things that she does to hurt me. I know what I did was wrong but I don't view as push as being the same as a hit or a beating. Anyway shortly after this fight, she moved back home and we continued our relationship long distance. Then she got a new job and started hanging out with guy friends all the time. Not just one guy or two guys but more like 4 or 5 of them. (Not all at once, but it seemes all her friends are guys and no girl friends.) She insisted nothing was going on, but she was always suspicous acting. Then she revealed to me that she had stopped hanging out with one guy because she felt he liked her and she didn't like him like that. Well anyway she'd at times tell me she'd call me only to not call and come to find out she was at some guys house at a party. She always blew me off so it seemed on weekends but during the week she'd call me religously without fail. Well the strain from her hanging out with all these guys plus the distance between us finally made me close to losing my mind and gave me some real trust isssues and played a huge part in us arguing over the phone and eventually to breaking up. I still love her so much and feel that she is still the woman I want to grow old with, but I've tried to heal my wounds and look to the future. But every so often she calls me to see how I'm doing and makes comments like "I miss spending time with the one I care about" and even sometimes slips up and says "I love you". Maybe out of habit but the whole context of our talks I come away feeling like she still has hope. So after we hang up the phone I go from coping pretty well to being a headcase. And I can't seem to get her out of my head for 1-2 days after we talk and constantly think and hope that some how we can get back together. I guess I just need some advice on the matter. Deep down I really love her and think she's great! I really want to be with her and get things back to the way they used to be. But on the other hand I still have a little over a year left here at school and I don't think I can live with the long distance relationship especially if she's hanging out with so many guys. How can I win her back and how can I address these concerns to her? Your help and advice will be greatly appreciated.
Sorry you are in this bad situation.
Long distance romances are tough enough without on of the people having many friends of the opposite sex.
It really sounds like she is toying with you by telling you she misses you and loves you. It is not doing your relationship much good and certainly isn't doing you much good.
Have a long, caring, honest talk with her and explain to her how you feel. Perhaps you two can figure out how to stop arguing and get together again.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com