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Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin



Should I try her or am I wasting my time?



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
About 2 months ago my fiancé left me. We met in college. I moved from Wisconsin where we went to school to California after college she didn't come out to be with me until a year later because her family didn't approve of our interracial relationship. I am black and she is white. She has a sister and mother that seem to want to run her life and tell her what's best. We moved back to the Midwest to be closer to family since we were getting ready to get married. We were going to be married in July of this year. We began to pull apart when we came back to the Midwest. We got into little arguments about everything, the one thing that I recall fighting the most about was that her family wanted to RUN her life... and in turn that meant they were trying to run my life. I rejected most of the ideas from her because I knew that behind my fiancé, there were other people that didn't want to see us together. Another issue was that she was "raised" Catholic and I wasn't. I am a Christian (non-denominational) her family decided that things would never work out for us because of this. She's NOT even a strong Catholic... not at all, and they aren't either. She's really close to her sisters and her mom. They are the only friends that she has... literally. Since the break she lived with her sister for about a month and during that time I never heard from her unless I initiated it or if we were at work and she knew she could reach me via e-mail. I began to get back into church since this all has happened and it has helped me out. She since has begun to come to church with me every week... but only because she has moved out of her sister’s house. I try not to talk to her much but she calls every once in a while just to see how I am doing. I would love to have her back but I don't know if she could control her life and not let her family dictate her happiness. What should I do? She doesn’t know which way to go either. Because we started fighting about everything she thinks that that was what the rest of our lives would have been like. I have been getting better but I am afraid that I am not helping myself by seeing her every week at church.

How should I deal with this situation? I feel as though I have a little control because she has called me more now in the last 3-4 weeks than I have called her. I would love to call and talk to her but I feel like that's just giving her the benifit of the doubt. She called last weekend and I talked to her for a bit and told her that I had to go. She just called to "see how I was doing".

I think she just wants her cake and to eat it too!




RomanceClass.com Advice
It's hard to see anything good coming out of this unless you and your ex move away from her mother and sister.

Her mother and sister are doing their best to give her advice which they feel to be of value and she is listening to it. That's what caused the trouble when you were together. You objected to their interference and that your ex was listening to it. There's not much you can do to change that. Even if you got back together it would be a constant struggle.

My advice is to drop her. Your marriage would be a constant struggle and would not be pleasant.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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