Summer Break is Coming
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
For about a year now, I have become friends with this jr. girl in my spanish class (I'm a sophmore). For most of the year she had a boyfriend who was in college, that she was gaga over. Meanwhile, I was gaga over her, but she didnt consider me anymore than a casual friend.
On May 13 my luck changed. Just 3 days before both my birthday and her jr. prom (both on the same day), her boyfriend dumped her. Since that day, she has become closer to me than ever and confides in me with her problems.
However, yesterday it dawned on me that school ends in 8 days. From that point on, I would be out of her life (I have never seen her outside of school before). I've known that I need to try to get together with her sometime btw now and the end of school b/c that way I can establish a relationship w/ her outside school, that could carry on for as long as it goes. Today I sorta hinted at this with her when I told her, "I just realized with school over soon, will we see each other during the summer?" Her answer: "No."
I realize that was not me asking her to go hang out sometime, but her response can not be a good thing. What's your interpretation of what she said? Should I formally ask her out sometime or cut my losses and take that no for what it is? Please help me, and fast b/c time is running out on me.
If her boyfriend just broke up with her, she may be VERY sensitive to other guys coming near her. She's seriously in rebound-time and probably part of what she loved about the "college guy" is that he was in college and that's a big prestige thing for many high schoolers. It's a pretty dopey reason to date someone, but there you have it. People buy jeans because of labels, and some people "use" their dates to prove they are worth something. Hopefully if that is part of her reason she'll get over that soon.
In any case, I would go with the assumption that she was worried you were trying to date her, and she obviously isn't ready to think about that yet. So instead, work hard on showing her you are *friends* and that is really important to you. Friends aren't threatening, and friendships very often blend into dating. But you have to take it slow and easy so she doesn't run away because she thinks you're "persuing her" like a wolf or something.
So keep talking with her and being a friend to her. She probably has email right? Or IM? Find some topic you guys like to talk about and tell her you have a great website to show her on it and start setting up the email/IM connection. That will survive all summer. Think up other friend-type things you could do that she would really enjoy - but that she could do without worrying it was a "real date". Maybe go to see a cool exhibit at the local museum or a movie she really wanted to see with a few other friends.
The more comfortable she feels with all of this, the more likely it'll keep going and last the summer. And the more time you spend together, the closer you'll get, and the less she'll worry about the rebound issues.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com