Crazy Cycle Relationship
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My ex and I started a relationship based on a very good friendship. Both first serious relationship for us. We were friends for about 8 months, and then we dated for about six until the first break up occurred because my ex ran away from solving a simple problem. Then about 3 weeks to a month later, we start hanging out again and shared some short days and a week with eachother, and then he cuts me out of his life again. Then about a month later, he realized he misses me and we date again for about 3 months then he breaks it off again cuz he doesn't like dealing with issues. Then we date for about 4 months and I start working at the same job, and everything is going well until he tells me he's not as in love with me as I am with him. So we break up again....I start to see the pattern and start to hang out with new people and just take care of myself. About 2 months later, he comes back realizing he wants me again, and we date for about 3 weeks. At this point, I was unsure of the pain and why he was doing this....so I went on my own business again until he came back again...but this time I told him we have to build trust and be friends. So we were friends for about a month and I made him prove he wants to be with me and thinks I'm worth fighting for...and then we dated for about 5 months, until just the other day, when I brought up the fact that i don't feel we're spending much time together lately, and he tells me he's not ready for anything serious....also tells me he wants to sort of be alone...and that he doubts he'll ever see this as "workable" again. Each time we have been together...it's mostly been good. Especially this last time. I really genuinely saw he cared...but then he got down about this and thinks there will always be issues to solve so maybe it isn't worth it. Today I called him to clarify why he broke up with me and I broke down crying and he was caring it seemed and he spent some time with me talking and made sure to tell me that whenever I want to talk to him or need to, to not be scared to...and he seemed sad to let me leave after this encounter. He insisted upon me getting into the car because I looked "cold" and driving me back to my apartment just because. Then later, I was overwhelmed and called him to talk about us still being "potential" best friends. He told me of course he still sees me as that (but I sensed tension), and invited me to have coffee with him before the class we have together...our normal routine while dating. He really didn't understand why I was crying on the phone during the conversation, and alluded to the fact that he didn't want to deal with why we "can't date" at all. "Let's just have fun and be cool and enjoy eachother." I don't understand why we couldn't do that while dating. Anyways, I agreed to meet him. I'm wondering if he still does have feelings for me but is hiding them to not give me false hopes (cuz when I saw him today, his eyes and body seemed to be contradicting his words) and if the cycle isn't really broken? I want him to see I'm wonderful and I want us to build a wonderful friendship...a very solid one that would eventually take us back to a relationship, however a long term friendship. No less than a year. I want him to see me as sexy, independent, and so sweet. Advice?
You have a realistic goal in wanting to have a long term friendship with him.
He has proven that he can't be trusted with a stronger relationship.
It's easy to be sexy, independent and sweet so you shouldn't have a problem there.
My advice is to keep your hopes low and don't expect too much from this guy... he has proven too often that he doesn't respect you enough.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com